Where I see myself in 5 years:
It'd be 29th October 2016, & I would be 24 years old.
Just graduated, most likely, & applying for KPLI. Kursus Perguruan Lepas Ijazah.
Part-time job at a tuition centre, meanwhile?
Full-time at high school would bring in at least RM1K a month, but I don't think KPLI would allow for that.
I don't think I would be able to afford a car right then.
Probably have to live with parents.
Perhaps, RM700 a month. Maybe Rm500 into the bank.
Can I live off RM200 a month, though?
Can't start paying PTPTN loan yet, if I got it.
Where I see myself in 7 years:
2018, 26 years old!
Working as a teacher in a high school in KK. I'd probably get posted somewhere else, but for Nigel's sake I will try my best to apply for a school in the city. Preferably KKHS.
I would probably have tuition classes at home. Five days a week. Because I'd have the PTPTN loan to pay off.
Also, I'm growing old. I need the moolah to enjoy life & do stuff like vacation.
Not to mention charity. No excuses now that my allowance doesn't come from my parents.
If all goes well, I'd be married & pregnant by now, if I don't already have a toddler.
If I do have a toddler, I'd probably be one month pregnant with my second child now.
Where I see myself in 10 years:
Best teacher I can be in school! =D
Enjoying my classes, setting goals for myself, helping teenagers, taking initiatives to start meaningful projects like gotong-royong & fundraisers, and build up a strong English Language Society in school, etc!
Best mother I can be at home! =D
Always trying my best to learn & have good values, being a good role model. Be cheerful, optimistic, honest at home with my kids.
I think I'll read loads of Dr. James Dobson books, Charles Swindoll books, etc parenting books.
I don't expect that everything goes perfectly. But I will want to do what I can to be a good mother.
Cook! Always learning new stuff, practice practice practice, hahaha. Pack lunches for my kids!
Oooh birthday parties, like what my mum used to do.
Bedtime stories are a must!
I wanna teach them to draw too =D Draw together.
Cycle, playground, picnics. WHEEEE!
Maybe we can have a juicer at home. Healthy juices at home.
& I must make sure that they can approach me with anything.
I want to be their friend. Bestfriend, might be a bit ambitious, but at least a very good friend. Like Chyng and her mother.
Above all, God MUST be in their hearts and lives, as the number one priority. I will be praying everyday for them. A mother's prayer and blessing avails much.
I will be baking as well =D And drawing! And taking pictures and blogging-
Ohhhh there's so much to do in life. I don't want to wake up one day wondering where has the years gone to. I want to wake up thinking about what I will be enjoying today.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Friday:
I ended up staying up too late last night Tumblring, & woke up feeling way too groggy (It was too late to get ready for school anyway) to go to school.
Yesterday was my 19th birthday :D
I feel lazy right now, but I suppose I should do a brief recap.
Woke up, school. Tze Feng was the first to wish me, followed by... Someone, then Jason, then Lum Sze Mun, Yii Chyng, Yi Quan. Pearl called me at midnight, and Melissa sent me a message. Nicholas Tay was the first to wish me on FaceCake ^^
Chemistry paper one, which sucked. Then class sang the birthday song once for me, in class. Awkward much, but pretty sweet. Jason led them. I overheard him asking people to sing for me since it's my birthday.
After school, went for sushi at Sushi King. There was a RM2 per plate Bonanza, but only for members. Mum borrowed Cikgu Cheok's 2010 member card. People who went: Jason, Keay, Kevin, Doraemon (Sze Mun), Yii Chyng, CSF, Tze Feng, Judith, Chee Quan, Liew Wen Yang. Since a cardholder can only bring five people, I bought another card for 2012, RM20. Got an RM20 voucher!
After that, I went walking about Asia City myself, looking for a birthday present for Tze Feng and Keele.
Got home at around 5, went online, then showered. Was supposed to go grab a bite of sushi again with the family (minus dad, who is in Kundasang) but we got ready too late. Decided to go for tuition, but then decided to go with them and not go for tuition, but then decided to go for tuition, and lastly, on the way to Central to kill some time looking for presents before my tuition starts, Sophia called to say mum wants me to grab two bites with them first.
Drove to Citymall, the line for Sushi King's bonanza was very long. Waited half an hour, had Sushi (But I only had one this time), then went to Hyatt to look for half-priced Black Forest Cake (Ashrul said it was really really good). By then decided not to go for tuition.
Black Forest Cake ngam-ngam last piece. Aunty before us bought a lot of cake, until we were left with only two choices: Pear Cake and Hummingbird. Mum was very irritated by the lady, so while on the way back to City Mall to send me to get the Avanza, we bad-mouthed the lady to help mum feel better XD
Sophia and I spent some time walking about in Citymall before going home. Met Ben there, who wished Sophia Happy Birthday when I told him that it was someone's birthday today. Haha! We bought SoyFresh's Malk Soya Bean Drink (Not bad, almost as good as V-Soy) and Vitasoy (Not as good, but it came in small packets I can bring to school).
Then went home, lit a single candle on the pear cake, sang the birthday song, I made my wish, blew the candle, we took pictures with Bubu...
A very simple birthday :)
Nigel asked me what I wanted my friends to get me. Well, honestly, nothing.
I do have some stuff I want to get, but I prefer choosing them myself, I suppose.
1. Wallet. The one Jeffrey got me a few years ago is already peeling. It served its purpose very, very well :)
2. Backpack for books. I'm using my sister's Adidas one now. The strap is coming out, and the bottom is thinning.
3. A new watch. The one Nigel got me dropped, so the glass is now cracked, and it isn't working anymore.
What I really, really want for my birthday would have been a good, solid session with friends and family. But it's hard, because we're all separated, and for my classmates, who are not separated, we're all busy with examinations.
It's alright. The birthday doesn't matter that much. What matters is that I use my last teenage the best as I can. :)
Yesterday was my 19th birthday :D
I feel lazy right now, but I suppose I should do a brief recap.
Woke up, school. Tze Feng was the first to wish me, followed by... Someone, then Jason, then Lum Sze Mun, Yii Chyng, Yi Quan. Pearl called me at midnight, and Melissa sent me a message. Nicholas Tay was the first to wish me on FaceCake ^^
Chemistry paper one, which sucked. Then class sang the birthday song once for me, in class. Awkward much, but pretty sweet. Jason led them. I overheard him asking people to sing for me since it's my birthday.
After school, went for sushi at Sushi King. There was a RM2 per plate Bonanza, but only for members. Mum borrowed Cikgu Cheok's 2010 member card. People who went: Jason, Keay, Kevin, Doraemon (Sze Mun), Yii Chyng, CSF, Tze Feng, Judith, Chee Quan, Liew Wen Yang. Since a cardholder can only bring five people, I bought another card for 2012, RM20. Got an RM20 voucher!
After that, I went walking about Asia City myself, looking for a birthday present for Tze Feng and Keele.
Got home at around 5, went online, then showered. Was supposed to go grab a bite of sushi again with the family (minus dad, who is in Kundasang) but we got ready too late. Decided to go for tuition, but then decided to go with them and not go for tuition, but then decided to go for tuition, and lastly, on the way to Central to kill some time looking for presents before my tuition starts, Sophia called to say mum wants me to grab two bites with them first.
Drove to Citymall, the line for Sushi King's bonanza was very long. Waited half an hour, had Sushi (But I only had one this time), then went to Hyatt to look for half-priced Black Forest Cake (Ashrul said it was really really good). By then decided not to go for tuition.
Black Forest Cake ngam-ngam last piece. Aunty before us bought a lot of cake, until we were left with only two choices: Pear Cake and Hummingbird. Mum was very irritated by the lady, so while on the way back to City Mall to send me to get the Avanza, we bad-mouthed the lady to help mum feel better XD
Sophia and I spent some time walking about in Citymall before going home. Met Ben there, who wished Sophia Happy Birthday when I told him that it was someone's birthday today. Haha! We bought SoyFresh's Malk Soya Bean Drink (Not bad, almost as good as V-Soy) and Vitasoy (Not as good, but it came in small packets I can bring to school).
Then went home, lit a single candle on the pear cake, sang the birthday song, I made my wish, blew the candle, we took pictures with Bubu...
A very simple birthday :)
Nigel asked me what I wanted my friends to get me. Well, honestly, nothing.
I do have some stuff I want to get, but I prefer choosing them myself, I suppose.
1. Wallet. The one Jeffrey got me a few years ago is already peeling. It served its purpose very, very well :)
2. Backpack for books. I'm using my sister's Adidas one now. The strap is coming out, and the bottom is thinning.
3. A new watch. The one Nigel got me dropped, so the glass is now cracked, and it isn't working anymore.
What I really, really want for my birthday would have been a good, solid session with friends and family. But it's hard, because we're all separated, and for my classmates, who are not separated, we're all busy with examinations.
It's alright. The birthday doesn't matter that much. What matters is that I use my last teenage the best as I can. :)
Monday, October 3, 2011
RANDOM
Nom Nom reminds me of Nigel.
Darling also reminds me of Nigel.
Actually, Nom Nom reminds me more of Nigel than Darling.
ALL EXPENSES PAID TRIP!!! Disneyland? Or Italy/Venice/somewhere supposedly romantic?
I don't care, as long as I'm with Nigel.
okfine DISNEYLAND PLEASE.
I wanna learn how to rollerskate.
Or skateboard.
I wanna learn to shuffle.
Main point: I want to learn stuff that would impress guys.
Stuff like, learning names of sports cars. So I can be like, "Hey, yeah, that's a Fairlady X6387 Model 312-Classic G 1978."
Discuss sports. Or, even better, own them at talking sports. No, no, Manchester's this and that, the manager this, because this player plays like this, you remember the 2008 match against Whatever Team?
Shuffle. C-Walk.
Drink & drink & drink- And never get drunk.
Shred an electric guitar & surf drums.
Win staring competitions.
Burp while looking sexy.
Play cards, pool, arcade racing games- AND KEEP WINNING.
Eat faster & more than they do, & still look like a model.
Pack a wardrobe the size of Mount Kinabalu into a back pack smaller than a nerd's school bag.
Exercise & sweat & still look as though I came fresh out from a commercial for Shokubutsu.
Dance in five inch heels.
Last longer & scoring more head shots than they do in a game of paintball.
Rap like Eminem & not garble up any syllable.
Drive so maniacally, they start screaming in the car.
Not go crazy over a cute FURRY PUPPY OF LOVE & JOY & PEACE.
Banyak juga :O
Darling also reminds me of Nigel.
Actually, Nom Nom reminds me more of Nigel than Darling.
ALL EXPENSES PAID TRIP!!! Disneyland? Or Italy/Venice/somewhere supposedly romantic?
I don't care, as long as I'm with Nigel.
okfine DISNEYLAND PLEASE.
I wanna learn how to rollerskate.
Or skateboard.
I wanna learn to shuffle.
Main point: I want to learn stuff that would impress guys.
Stuff like, learning names of sports cars. So I can be like, "Hey, yeah, that's a Fairlady X6387 Model 312-Classic G 1978."
Discuss sports. Or, even better, own them at talking sports. No, no, Manchester's this and that, the manager this, because this player plays like this, you remember the 2008 match against Whatever Team?
Shuffle. C-Walk.
Drink & drink & drink- And never get drunk.
Shred an electric guitar & surf drums.
Win staring competitions.
Burp while looking sexy.
Play cards, pool, arcade racing games- AND KEEP WINNING.
Eat faster & more than they do, & still look like a model.
Pack a wardrobe the size of Mount Kinabalu into a back pack smaller than a nerd's school bag.
Exercise & sweat & still look as though I came fresh out from a commercial for Shokubutsu.
Dance in five inch heels.
Last longer & scoring more head shots than they do in a game of paintball.
Rap like Eminem & not garble up any syllable.
Drive so maniacally, they start screaming in the car.
Not go crazy over a cute FURRY PUPPY OF LOVE & JOY & PEACE.
Banyak juga :O
Monday:
I decided to stay up studying. On the computer for music, the air con for comfort, and a glass of water to keep me hydrated. CHEMISTRY ALL THE WAY!
Not.
So here are some compliments I've received throughout my life. I don't remember exactly the nice things said, but more or less the idea is there :D
NICE STUFFS PEOPLE HAVE TOLD ME ABOUT ME.
Apparently, I
1. Am able to appreciate a lot of things well. Little things & big, meaningful thing that people don't notice.
2. Am not gossipy or nosy.
3. Am innocent. And dumb. But in a nice, innocent way.
4. Have a very cute dimple in my chin. As opposed to someone calling my chin a butt-chin or a double-chin. Wth.
...Well, that's it. All the stuffs I think are worth typing out here. :) Not much, but they mean something. And there are loads of others, by different people who thought they were making casual comments but in reality, sobs. Hearts.
Someone just told me, yesterday, that it's because of me they continue playing the guitar. That it's because of me they speak English well (something like that). That I make them forget what it was they wanted to say, & that they'll never forget me.
SOBS.
SOBS.
Try having all that said sincerely to your face and NOT feel like crying.
Signed, Carmelia.
Feeling, lala.
Thinking, now I know how to make people cry. NGEHEH.
Not.
So here are some compliments I've received throughout my life. I don't remember exactly the nice things said, but more or less the idea is there :D
NICE STUFFS PEOPLE HAVE TOLD ME ABOUT ME.
Apparently, I
1. Am able to appreciate a lot of things well. Little things & big, meaningful thing that people don't notice.
2. Am not gossipy or nosy.
3. Am innocent. And dumb. But in a nice, innocent way.
4. Have a very cute dimple in my chin. As opposed to someone calling my chin a butt-chin or a double-chin. Wth.
...Well, that's it. All the stuffs I think are worth typing out here. :) Not much, but they mean something. And there are loads of others, by different people who thought they were making casual comments but in reality, sobs. Hearts.
Someone just told me, yesterday, that it's because of me they continue playing the guitar. That it's because of me they speak English well (something like that). That I make them forget what it was they wanted to say, & that they'll never forget me.
SOBS.
SOBS.
Try having all that said sincerely to your face and NOT feel like crying.
Signed, Carmelia.
Feeling, lala.
Thinking, now I know how to make people cry. NGEHEH.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Sunday:
First experience:
I told mum we should use the Doraemon poster paint. She said no, it wouldn't be of use on the styrofoam of the doll's house we were making for me. She told me to go upstairs and get another set of poster paint. I accidentally dropped one and it fell from the landing upstairs. Splash- the house is splattered with red paint.
She got angry and the project was cancelled.
Later on, I took the Doraemon paint and started painting on a leftover piece of styrofoam. The colour came on super nicely. Mum saw and told me that I was right, if only we just used the Doraemon paint.
I was in Kindergarten.
Second experience:
We were having fun in the house in Sipitang. I took some lotion & dabbed some on my toddler cousin's face, to the amusement of my other cousins.
My aunt later saw it and started scolding me, saying stuff about ants.
I later realized, she probably thought it was icing, because the lotion smelt like orange. But by then, she'd already sounded off at me so I left it at that.
Third experience:
It was a game in school. Everyone was required to link arms and form large circles. I was quickly asked to join one of the bigger girl groups, but I declined because that would mean leaving my friend out.
She ended up joining the girl group instead, leaving me with two other left out guys. Everyone watched us as the teachers urged us to link arms, me and the two boys. I almost cried.
I am consciously reminding myself never to let any of the bad experiences I have had with people letting me down & misunderstanding me & being angry at me unnecessarily make me have a bad attitude and change my philosophy of, forgiving no matter what, being good to people no matter what.
Signed, Carmelia.
Feeling, quiet.
Thinking, be optimistic, be optimistic.
I told mum we should use the Doraemon poster paint. She said no, it wouldn't be of use on the styrofoam of the doll's house we were making for me. She told me to go upstairs and get another set of poster paint. I accidentally dropped one and it fell from the landing upstairs. Splash- the house is splattered with red paint.
She got angry and the project was cancelled.
Later on, I took the Doraemon paint and started painting on a leftover piece of styrofoam. The colour came on super nicely. Mum saw and told me that I was right, if only we just used the Doraemon paint.
I was in Kindergarten.
Second experience:
We were having fun in the house in Sipitang. I took some lotion & dabbed some on my toddler cousin's face, to the amusement of my other cousins.
My aunt later saw it and started scolding me, saying stuff about ants.
I later realized, she probably thought it was icing, because the lotion smelt like orange. But by then, she'd already sounded off at me so I left it at that.
Third experience:
It was a game in school. Everyone was required to link arms and form large circles. I was quickly asked to join one of the bigger girl groups, but I declined because that would mean leaving my friend out.
She ended up joining the girl group instead, leaving me with two other left out guys. Everyone watched us as the teachers urged us to link arms, me and the two boys. I almost cried.
I am consciously reminding myself never to let any of the bad experiences I have had with people letting me down & misunderstanding me & being angry at me unnecessarily make me have a bad attitude and change my philosophy of, forgiving no matter what, being good to people no matter what.
Signed, Carmelia.
Feeling, quiet.
Thinking, be optimistic, be optimistic.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Friday:
When people ask you, whether you miss them or not, usually the nice thing to say would be:
"Oh, yes! I missed you, I do."
...
Nowadays, instead of doing the un-nice thing and say no, or lie, I take some time before answering. People might think I'm considering the answer to the question, but in actual fact I already know the answer.
I'll definitely say yes. The moments I take before answering is to search for that 'miss' feeling and bring it back up to where I'm conscious of it.
Because truly, anyone who's ever spent time with me or is my friend, and we have lost contact for some time, I would miss.
Sometimes I'd randomly remember someone, and wonder how they are, and if we'd get the chance to meet up again. This usually takes around, ten seconds. Then I get distracted.
So, yes. If I say I miss you, I probably, really did notice your absence in my life.
There are a few people whom I think about more often than others. Here are four of them:
1. Nana
She's one heck of a girl. We connect very easily, and this is saying something. I'm comfortable around her because Nana is a very non-judgmental person. The things she has been through, the misunderstandings, has molded her into a very understanding person herself.
2. Nigel
I notice his absence the most. It's like, "I wish he was here now so I can rant to him." or "I wish he could taste this too." or "I wish he could help me finish this."
We have not had much time together, physically. So there might be people who doubt me when I say I miss him.
I'm still figuring out, what exactly makes me feel emptiness when I think about him sometimes, & why the desire to see him grows & hurts sometimes.
Maybe the logic is that, who wouldn't like being with someone who loves them & listens & shares things with you?
3. Nicholas Tay
This is a guy who cheered me up a lot during a time when I felt down, just by appearing at the window of our classroom. Maybe it's because he's both English speaking & yet doesn't take everything so seriously (most English speaking guys I know have, well, heavy ambitions & opinions.)
4. Jinho Clement
There is rarely a dull moment with him in the room. I have had enlightening conversations with him, & it's from him I've learnt to hold on to seemingly minor, but important virtues- like patience with adults, the art of appreciation, & optimism. Not to mention, other than Abbegail, whom I rarely stay in contact with anymore, he's one of the friends I've known the longest.
Signed, Carmelia.
Feeling, wistful.
Thinking, life is but a vapour in the face of a strong, dry wind.
"Oh, yes! I missed you, I do."
...
Nowadays, instead of doing the un-nice thing and say no, or lie, I take some time before answering. People might think I'm considering the answer to the question, but in actual fact I already know the answer.
I'll definitely say yes. The moments I take before answering is to search for that 'miss' feeling and bring it back up to where I'm conscious of it.
Because truly, anyone who's ever spent time with me or is my friend, and we have lost contact for some time, I would miss.
Sometimes I'd randomly remember someone, and wonder how they are, and if we'd get the chance to meet up again. This usually takes around, ten seconds. Then I get distracted.
So, yes. If I say I miss you, I probably, really did notice your absence in my life.
There are a few people whom I think about more often than others. Here are four of them:
1. Nana
She's one heck of a girl. We connect very easily, and this is saying something. I'm comfortable around her because Nana is a very non-judgmental person. The things she has been through, the misunderstandings, has molded her into a very understanding person herself.
2. Nigel
I notice his absence the most. It's like, "I wish he was here now so I can rant to him." or "I wish he could taste this too." or "I wish he could help me finish this."
We have not had much time together, physically. So there might be people who doubt me when I say I miss him.
I'm still figuring out, what exactly makes me feel emptiness when I think about him sometimes, & why the desire to see him grows & hurts sometimes.
Maybe the logic is that, who wouldn't like being with someone who loves them & listens & shares things with you?
3. Nicholas Tay
This is a guy who cheered me up a lot during a time when I felt down, just by appearing at the window of our classroom. Maybe it's because he's both English speaking & yet doesn't take everything so seriously (most English speaking guys I know have, well, heavy ambitions & opinions.)
4. Jinho Clement
There is rarely a dull moment with him in the room. I have had enlightening conversations with him, & it's from him I've learnt to hold on to seemingly minor, but important virtues- like patience with adults, the art of appreciation, & optimism. Not to mention, other than Abbegail, whom I rarely stay in contact with anymore, he's one of the friends I've known the longest.
Signed, Carmelia.
Feeling, wistful.
Thinking, life is but a vapour in the face of a strong, dry wind.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Tuesday:
Random Stuff.
1. I wish I would swear. I find myself thinking, & typing out certain words, like that f word & that s word and that d word, only to delete them.
2. I wish I could starve myself. Starve and lose weight. Drop one bra size or two- Because honestly, I don't like being big chested. They're alright, I suppose. Not gigantic (In which case I would have already begged for a reduction in Singapore). But still, I wish I could dress a little more freely. It'd feel awesome to be able to wear tighter shirts without worrying about guys eying me.
3. At the end of the day, I'm one of those girls who'd fall in love with a guy who is willing to do anything for a certain other girl he loves no matter how many times he gets snubbed. I'd get stuck in a love triangle. Florence Nightingale effect + I have soft spots for guys who are utterly loyal.
4. Maybe I'm more trusting than other people because, if I'm not badly hurt, I forget about it, and if I'm badly, badly hurt, I know I'll simply lose myself & take revenge in a passive form, and in a way, it'd make everything alright again.
5. I think I'll curl my hair softly next year, since I won't be cutting.
6. If I could cut my hair, though, I'd probably go slightly longer than shoulder length. Two guys have already said I'd look good with shoulder length hair. Guys don't lie when they say stuff like that.
7. If I could get a tattoo, I'd have one on my wrist.
8. If I could wear shorts, I'd wear shorts. I'd get shorts of different colours. Shorts are comfortable, casual but cool, makes legs look slimmer & longer, are not as expensive and can go with almost anything.
9. "I loved the person you used to be." This is one sentence I will never use without adding, "And I still love the person you are now."
10. The times I miss Nigel the most? Let's see. I'll be frank. Times when I visit the beach, hotels, or anywhere cold with soft, yellow lighting & the feeling of being on vacation. Times when I see couples. Times when I see huge burgers (because he has those every now and then.) Times when I see him exchanging posts on Facecake with other people. Times when I read about how much fun he's having. Times when I just lie on my bed with nothing to distract me. That would be every night that I'm not tired to death, then.
11. Since I have so many wishes to do stuff I don't do and may not do now, how about stuff that I don't do and may not do now, and still wouldn't do even if I may not do them?
I still wouldn't smoke. I still wouldn't get drunk, or maybe, drink at all. I still wouldn't shave half my hair off.
12. I dare to be happy about my achievements and crow about them and talk about them and point out what I've done, only because I trust the people I do them with not to think I'm arrogant in a bad way. I trust them to remember that I point out my flaws as well, & I talk about what embarrasses me & my mistakes as well. I trust them to like that I share things with them.
13. I have sudden bursts of perfectionist-syndromes. I suddenly must have everything cleaned this way or that way. I suddenly must finish this assignment perfectly. I suddenly must be thin & this pretty & that fit.
Which probably explains why I have sudden bursts of depressions when I can't complete something nicely, or after I have a decent meal. I feel guilty.
Signed, Carmelia.
Feeling, determined.
Thinking, I'm not weirder than the weirdest of them all.
1. I wish I would swear. I find myself thinking, & typing out certain words, like that f word & that s word and that d word, only to delete them.
2. I wish I could starve myself. Starve and lose weight. Drop one bra size or two- Because honestly, I don't like being big chested. They're alright, I suppose. Not gigantic (In which case I would have already begged for a reduction in Singapore). But still, I wish I could dress a little more freely. It'd feel awesome to be able to wear tighter shirts without worrying about guys eying me.
3. At the end of the day, I'm one of those girls who'd fall in love with a guy who is willing to do anything for a certain other girl he loves no matter how many times he gets snubbed. I'd get stuck in a love triangle. Florence Nightingale effect + I have soft spots for guys who are utterly loyal.
4. Maybe I'm more trusting than other people because, if I'm not badly hurt, I forget about it, and if I'm badly, badly hurt, I know I'll simply lose myself & take revenge in a passive form, and in a way, it'd make everything alright again.
5. I think I'll curl my hair softly next year, since I won't be cutting.
6. If I could cut my hair, though, I'd probably go slightly longer than shoulder length. Two guys have already said I'd look good with shoulder length hair. Guys don't lie when they say stuff like that.
7. If I could get a tattoo, I'd have one on my wrist.
8. If I could wear shorts, I'd wear shorts. I'd get shorts of different colours. Shorts are comfortable, casual but cool, makes legs look slimmer & longer, are not as expensive and can go with almost anything.
9. "I loved the person you used to be." This is one sentence I will never use without adding, "And I still love the person you are now."
10. The times I miss Nigel the most? Let's see. I'll be frank. Times when I visit the beach, hotels, or anywhere cold with soft, yellow lighting & the feeling of being on vacation. Times when I see couples. Times when I see huge burgers (because he has those every now and then.) Times when I see him exchanging posts on Facecake with other people. Times when I read about how much fun he's having. Times when I just lie on my bed with nothing to distract me. That would be every night that I'm not tired to death, then.
11. Since I have so many wishes to do stuff I don't do and may not do now, how about stuff that I don't do and may not do now, and still wouldn't do even if I may not do them?
I still wouldn't smoke. I still wouldn't get drunk, or maybe, drink at all. I still wouldn't shave half my hair off.
12. I dare to be happy about my achievements and crow about them and talk about them and point out what I've done, only because I trust the people I do them with not to think I'm arrogant in a bad way. I trust them to remember that I point out my flaws as well, & I talk about what embarrasses me & my mistakes as well. I trust them to like that I share things with them.
13. I have sudden bursts of perfectionist-syndromes. I suddenly must have everything cleaned this way or that way. I suddenly must finish this assignment perfectly. I suddenly must be thin & this pretty & that fit.
Which probably explains why I have sudden bursts of depressions when I can't complete something nicely, or after I have a decent meal. I feel guilty.
Signed, Carmelia.
Feeling, determined.
Thinking, I'm not weirder than the weirdest of them all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
