Monday: Labour's Day

Even though it was Labour's Day, two Filipinos spent the day working in our backyard, painting walls. I commented on this to my parents. Pa said Labour's Day was yesterday. I said the holiday was today. Then he said, Phillipines. Doesn't concern them. They wouldn't mind anyway.

I suppose they'd want the pay. Three hundred buck, if I'm not wrong. But still.

It's a bit sad that they can't take the day off & rest with the family or friends. A Filipino just recently shot a van driver because he wouldn't drive the Filipino away after the Filipino robbed a jewelry shop. I felt very angry about it. But on the other hand, people wouldn't have to resort to crime given a good life, given that their needs & cares are taken care of. It doesn't excuse the crime. But it makes it easier to understand why it happened.

So Nigel went to Ipoh for Revo. Long drives, texting me every ten or twenty kilometres or so. Also, Switchfoot concert last night. Good for him :) I'm glad events like these happen in his part of the world, & he gets to join in. It helps to know that he's having fun & is surrounded by awesome friends.

On my side of the world...

Pa's operation went well, but then because the pharmacist had a slip of tongue, pa consumed four pills in a go that night after the operation, instead of only one. Overdose. Panic- Mum called Praveen (Doctor who goes to our church), asked about it, & the next morning, brought pa to the clinic for the follow-up. She was supposed to be leading, & me playing the piano, so Sister Suk ended up leading & playing the piano as well. Since we didn't practice, it'd be better if she played the piano herself, considering that her tempo sometimes comes out a bit odd.

We had our Mother's Day choir practice after church, singing 'You Raise Me Up'. Surprise, surprise- I sang the soprano/melody part. My voice was high enough, I suppose.

Tasha & Sonya sometimes seem to almost end up arguing. There's tension in the air. Misunderstandings- As well as Sonya's tendency to take charge, & Tasha's unwillingness to just sit back & let Sonya do so, especially when she thinks she doesn't have the right to.

But it's great that the moment always passes, & though things might be a tad uncomfortable, they're still always very amiable & friendly towards each other, like nothing happens. Sisters in Christs forgive & forget- They should & are setting a good example.

I was invited to Nicholas Tay (aka Horsey)'s birthday party that night. 21 years old. So his aunt made him this fantastic, huge, three-layered, alcoholic cake in the shape of a key. Name was spelled NICKHOLAS though. I wonder if it was on purpose.

I loved his house. His family runs the shop D'Light, selling all sorts of lights. Classic lighting, modern lighting, small lighting, huge lighting, grand lighting, simple lighting... I'm always super scared to enter his shop. The amount of fragile glass stuff they have in there... Not to mention the expensive ones.

I suppose they have an arguably good taste in interior design, being in this lighting line of business. Or maybe I just really like wooden cabinets, soft lighting, roses, roses, roses, shelves stacked neatly with books, pretty ornaments. Though not everything went with this classy, rose theme, there was a very comfortable but... pretty, feel to the family room. I asked if his mum was the one who took charge of the home interior design. Yup. His dad was fine with the roses. How cool.




Typing out the above text took quite some effort. Usually, the only thing I'd have to overcome is my panic, since I wouldn't have enough time to think & recall properly before composing sentences. Everything would come out rushed, which I don't like. Which makes me unwilling to type at all, & thus, lazy to make the effort to recall quickly.

I guess I am also in a kind of panic. I don't have a time-limit set, but I know anytime now, mum's going to nag at me. Nevertheless, more than that, I'm feel distant from anything normal. Going for church, choir practices, birthday parties, interior design... How normal.

& normal isn't a bad thing. Far from it, as I've come to realize, again & again. My inclination has always been to go against the flow. & I wonder if it's destroying me, somehow.

I won't say too much here. I won't think too much either. I'll just finish this post off & listen to music while surfing. Or probably, go offline & head to bed, because I'm feeling guilty about how unproductive I've been.

I feel guilty about what I do, or don't do. Because there isn't any legitimate excuse for it. I want to make myself do better. I have to. But I end up failing. So perhaps, my will isn't strong enough. Perhaps, I am one of those who lack determination, whose wills are weak. I am no Terry Fox, no Helen Keller. I am not strong enough to turn myself around.

At least, I have recognized this, so maybe I will be able to figure out what to do about it.

I made a brief visit to Qay's girlfriend's Tumblr page. Happy, bright, serious. A strong statement in her 'About Me' making it clear that her Tumblr page was for things that was cheerful, light & nice. Nothing depressing or philosophical. Something like that.

I want to be like that. Being Qay's girlfriend only made her seem all the more wonderful, because I know the kind of guy Qay is. He isn't the lovey dovey type. He can be rather philosophical. He's polite & very kind, but can still be an unfair bad-ass. He's one of the more intelligent people in my life. & to be his girlfriend, that girl must be, well, quite cool.

They say not to compare yourself with other people. Everyone has their flaws & strengths, & it'd just get you depressed.

On the other hand, someone once said that to be content with oneself is... to be mediocre.

As with those advices I get on how to lose weight, things people say confuse & seem to contradict one another. I don't want to be rude, but I don't want to listen anymore. I still do, & it still gets to me. But I don't want to listen consciously. I don't want to obey.

I want to do what I think is right for me, because so far, I'm the only one who knows what goes through my head. No one really listens, so no one really knows. I don't blame them for having lives to live, for distances, for ignorance & for time constraints.

This guy Farid just commented that the longish comment I said didn't appear on Denise's status wasn't that long. It made me feel bad, a little.

It's high time I stopped taking things personally. It's stupid, girl.


Signed, Carmelia.

Feeling, melancholic.
Thinking, people would have so many reasons to put you in your place after reading this, miss.