Wednesday: Community Service

Wilson was the person in charge. Above him was the Induct Committee Members, president: Me. Above us, Puan Teo.

SO I suppose I shouldn't feel too guilty about not helping out much. I gave the initial push, but after that they pretty much did everything on their own. A lot of going around getting approvals, looking for teachers, getting materials, drafts done-

To end up with an hour's activity that was less than perfect. So much less than perfect.

We wasted twenty minutes trying to get everyone together. I was almost hyperventilating, screaming my lungs out announcing the names of members in which group & what leader. Then mistakes- Not knowing which room what team should be in. My team got sent to the other block, before Wilson went to get the back to rectify his mistake.

Twenty minutes- Not enough to paint a banner, to finish posters, to finish a bulletin board. Every team was in charge of one of the above mentioned, & mine was the bulletin board. But nearing the end, we just left it there & packed up.

I feel like a failure, as president. Although yes, the members are not motivated, they themselves aren't taking initiatives, and heck, some of them don't even understand English- But I am still president. At least of the Sixth Formers. Benjamin's the Menengah President, & we don't expect too much from him. It's alright, he knows that.

But I expected much from myself, and I don't seem to be functioning at a level good enough.

It's alright. One step at a time. Things will get better.



Cikgu Goh, our Chemistry teacher, talked about this 'Power of Mind'. How it's all in your head- Your emotions, your thoughts. You can control what you do. Think positive thoughts & the 'good forces of the universe' will help you. Think negative thoughts & bad things will be attracted to you.

While I don't believe him, I can see the logic in thinking positive. Not because the forces of the universe will come to your magical aid, but because positive thinking will help you relax, make you try again. Action will be taken.

Then again, positivity differs for everyone. For one person, it might be that it's alright to score a B instead of an A. For another, it might be that it's alright to hurt his classmate, it builds character & the poor fellow will bounce back anyway.

In the end, going around in circles, I just pray that God will show me what to think, & the right things to do.



We talk a lot of crap during Biology & Chemistry. Things to do with marriages, abortion, rape. Here are a few rough sketches of opinions I heard during our little discussions:

Ellyn: "My friend said she'd just go along (during a rape) & bite off his thing at the last minute."

TMX: "I love animals! I'd rather keep loads of small animals than a houseful of children."

Judith: "I don't like keeping so many animals. Dirty! (To TMX) You like keeping pets? Then I have to cross you off my list!"

"I wouldn't marry my fiancee if I found out, the night before our wedding, that she has HIV! Even if it was from an injection or cut? ...Still no."

Keele: "I would still marry her. It's fine. If she got raped? I'll still marry her. If she's pregnant? I'll just ask her to get an abortion."

Me: "I don't know what exactly I'll be going through if I get raped. But if I were the person I am right now, I wouldn't get an abortion if I get pregnant from the rape."

"I just don't like older women. She has to be the same age as I am, or five years younger at most. No, make it three years."

"Men are like cheese- The older they get, the better they are. Women? Milk. Spoils more & more as time goes by."

"Why use cheese??? Use wine bha!"

"Milk turns into yogurt :D"

"I'd rather raise kids than pets. You can teach children, bring them up right!"

"But you hate humans!"

"Adult humans. That's why I want to bring the children up right!"

"I'd rather the rapist kill me after the rape. But I wouldn't suicide.

"I'd just let the rapist rape me instead of being too violent & getting killed."

"Front Protruding, Back Perky."

"How about Liu Yi? Do you think she's pretty?"

"She's fine- A bit on the skinny side, though. Airplane lane."

"She must not be older than me- Younger by a few years, at most. Not too much, or else I'll feel like I'm babysitting. And she cannot be the smart, studious type."

"Why?"

"Girls are better a little dumb."


On and on we went. Crude, hilarious, conflicting- But the different perspectives I gain are sort of valuable. For example, I never knew that someone like TMX would... Like small animals. & want a girlfriend who likes them too. It doesn't seem to fit in with the personality that he portrays, at least to me.

Goes to show you that you never know someone the way you think you know them.

I should never ever expect to be able to know someone well, inside and out. The only person I want to be that close with, to expect total openness from & to open up myself totally to, is Nigel.


Signed, Carmelia.

Feeling, better.
Thinking, examinations coming up, girl. Can you show them a stronger girl?