Sunday: Mother's Day

Not much planning for mum. Didn't go out with the family, no cake- Just some long-lasting purple maroon flowers from Pick & Pay. We shared the cost amongst ourselves. Not much. But mum looked so happy when I gave it to her this morning. :)

Church: Arrived earlier than usual to set down the cupcakes & cookies & warm up a little (voice) & get the songs for worship ready. During preaching, I went downstairs to help Tasha set up Bethel (the room we use for English Sunday School & Youth Gathering). I didn't plan to initially, but Caleb the baby was sick & crying, disturbing the service, so I carried him out & ended up helping Tasha.

The Mother's Day tea was fine :) Samantha helped out with the coffee and tea. People liked my cupcakes- Too bad there were only fifteen large ones, & thirteen batches of butter cookies. I believe them when they say that the cupcakes taste better than store-bought ones (Butter cupcakes, yo, and mocha cupcakes too, with cream cheese frosting).

But I don't believe them when they say I'm so good at it. The recipes for both the cake & cookies are from my mum- And super easy. Fail-safe. I can straightaway recite the three/four ingredients & oven temperature, & little things to look out for, like, you should use room temperature eggs. Baking isn't difficult, honestly. However, things like whipping, creaming, folding- takes practice, as I found out when my friends came over to make cookies. The way they creamed the butter was... It told me that creaming isn't actually that easy.

Ethan's 1st Birthday: At SGCC. Truth be told, Aunt Joyce (AJ)'s second son always seems a bit blue. Not literally. Just... A little moody & unwell. I pray that he'll grow stronger, being the miracle baby he is. There was quite a scare during his birth, stuff to do with abnormal breathing rates.

I took pictures, as Nigel suggested. There was a clown, cupcakes, a cake with fondant, food. Pamela's mother and Benjamin's mothers spoke to me on their own accord- Which was really nice. Benjamin was at Citymall looking after the Cosway shop his mother had taken over.




I never used to really take notice of Uncle William. He was like this, really rich, high-society guy who was my Aunt Joyce's husband; likes to laugh, has two kids who are as high-society as he is, behaves in a friendly, generous manner. He buys me books- From Meg Cabot's Princess Diaries (...) to Harry Potter books. Expensive, those books, so I liked them a lot, albeit feeling small & unworthy sometimes.

Nigel & Kimberley Chee were just... You know. His kids. Uncle William talks about them, & I remember the time when Nigel wanted to come home from Singapore. Mum had called this Nigel Chee a 'brat' who didn't know what was good for him. He probably only wanted to be with his friends in Kota Kinabalu, thus pulling out from this supposedly elite boarding school. I didn't say much, because I wasn't interested, & I didn't know him.

During family gatherings at Uncle William and Aunt Joyce's, I could just hide in my corner. Read. Maybe chat a little with Benjamin, and then Pamela. Never Nigel, oh no. Never Kimberley. There they stand, talking easily with ADULTS, laughing. Confidence radiating & I think I can almost see the shine.

Stupid, yeah, but that was me back then.

And now, I wonder what happened. Where was the tipping point? Now, I'm Uncle William's son's girlfriend. Check back. Yeah, that's not wrong. But it doesn't sound, I don't know. Real. And now, during family gatherings, there's almost a pressure to mingle, chat, & make the effort to get people to like me. To be proper, nice, friendly but still cool. Pretty, with outstanding achievements to blush about when my parents tell people about them. Good with the little kids, all decked out in moderate but stylish clothes.

A proper girlfriend for Nigel Chee.

Though no one's accusing me of being unworthy, & no one's judging me- Well, full stop. No one is. Still, it is weird. Once, gatherings like those were merely events where I get to look at strangers who were relatives, eat, talk with the few adults I'm closer with, & leave.

Now, knowing that Uncle William is a future in-law, & those relatives, those strangers & mere acquaintances were going to family one day & attend my wedding- Okay, honestly. A little stressed out.

But it's all good stress, the kind that makes me smile awkwardly but sincerely. I have nothing to complain about & everything to be thankful for.

Signed, Carmelia.

Feeling, sleepy.
Thinking, intense studying intense studying.