Piano Examination: < 24 hours

Not being able to log into Facebook is horrible.

And I keep glancing at my phone.

I'd finished watching Anastasia, after going through my scales, arpeggios, and exam pieces, and now my family's just come back.

Mum: "Ei, no practice piano?"

Melia: "I did, you don't want me to continue practicing and practicing and practicing, yeah?"

Dad: "Only asking if you practiced, and you have to give such a long answer?"


I thought mum was asking present tense, dad. But whatever.

See. Me being defensive again. Sometimes, or maybe all the time, I should just shut up and let other people take the first step. One step from them, one step from me. Why do I keep running forward when I end up slowing to an awkward stop?

Is it just me? Are there only a bunch of people in the world who simply hate to be wrong? Am I one of them?

I'd think I'm quick to acknowledge my mistakes. Quicker than most, anyway.

Stop overthinking.

Practicing the piano recently is like working out for me. I was sweating, it was that intense. All those staccatos- and my fingers aren't exactly strong. I have little, weak fingers. It's amazing what I can do with them. I draw, I type, I play the guitar, the piano. You'd have thought they'd developed stronger muscles, but I don't feel that.

My fingers keep slipping off the keys, especially the black ones.

I'm having the most problem with my contrary motions now. These are scales that you play with both hands starting in the middle, and going spread out in opposite directions. Like a mirror.

Asides that, I'm worried about my aural. I always get perfect scores for the aural section (more or less perfect) but this time I'm not sure I"d pass that section, even.

Don't even get me started on my sight singing and reading. I can't sing notes, I'm tone-deaf that way. And as for reading notes, I can't even play Sophia's Grade 2 pieces.

If I pass, it's all God's doing. None of mine. If I pass, I'm sure my fingers were taking orders from something other than my brain. My brain is officially frazzled out.

And then there's my PA assignment. The presentation isn't that difficult to do, but the folio is a different story. So I can't celebrate yet after I come out from the examination room. I have to call up my team members and work out how we're supposed to finish the whole thing within two days.

Well, honestly. My life isn't that bad. In fact, it's really good.

Worst case scenario: I fail Grade 7.

Worst case scenario: I get scolded for not finishing my assignments, essays and journal.

So what?




I keep getting nightmares recently. I don't know why.




I feel like meeting up with Melissa and any of the rest of the gang, whoever, and just sit there and talk. We don't meet very often, sometimes we go weeks without contact, but we still stayed best friends. So...


I'm as stubborn as a famished bulldog that's not letting go of a fresh steak. Back off. Growl.


Signed, Carmelia.


Feeling, on the verge of okay.
Thinking, one step at a time.