It'd be so much easier if I could just post song lyrics as my post titles. But it's a something-you-do taken.
I have three minutes to finish this post. Or, at least, until this song finishes playing.
Spent quite some time preparing for tomorrow night's tuition class. Printed out some exercises & lesson materials- It wasn't that easy. I had to adjust them a lot to save ink & space, as well as to make sure they are appropriate for the three kids.
Going to shower after this, & start work on Math and/or Chemistry. If I study best at nights, then that's what I'll be doing these holidays. I don't mind waking late. Usually, when I wake up later than eleven, I skip both breakfast and lunch.
Well, hey. Killing two birds with one stone there.
But that is if I don't sleep tonight.
I always-
Shoot. Song's done. Oh, well.
Signed, Carmelia.
Feeling, melancholy.
Thinking, gotta get a song longer than 2.59 minutes next time as a limit.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Head Count
So Cikgu Oong gave us all a piece of paper each. Head Count. I was expecting more homework, and though I like General Studies, it was still way too early in the morning to be shifting into gear five, so after realizing what the papers were, I felt smilingly pleased.
"Tuliskan apa target kamu bagi STPM--"
I didn't even have to think about it. A, A, A, and oh, another A!
Tze Feng gave herself a B+ for Biology. Aghast! "B+? Mei You Xin Xin Meh Ni?" (You don't have confidence mehhh?"
She's one of them students from Lawas who got straight As for SPM. Straight A PLUSES. Heck.
"Mei You Oh... Biology, no confidence."
I took another look at my own targets. But I didn't reach for the correction tape.
The next blanks I filled were my SPM results for Malay, History, Mathematics & Additional Mathematics. A, A, A, B-.
Thinking back to the day I had my Add Math papers... It was all God's grace. I'd gone home for more revision, & the very problems I solved (with the aid of the answer sheets, of course- Carmy don't solve Math problems a lot) were the ones that came out for SPM. Maybe the digits changed a bit, but otherwise, OMG HAHAHA. I was grinning the whole time I photocopied the answers from memory onto my SPM paper. Those fifteen marks helped me with my B-, definitely.
"Kalau kamu lupa keputusan ujian tahun lalu, nanti cikgu bagi kamu mastersheet untuk rujukan."
Of course, I'd forgotten. I always forget my grades. I vaguely remembered my General Studies to be wayyyyy better than the other Subjects, and I know I didn't fail Biology, and I know I definitely failed Chemistry & Mathematics without a doubt.
Referring to the mastersheet, apparently I got a B for General Studies, a C+ for Biology and Fun Fun for my two most favourite subjects!
I felt much relieved once I looked through the other Head Counts (Keele is Vice Class Monitor this week so I got to mooch around the class stuff) because most of them got Fun Fun too for Chemistry & Mathematics. Killer stuff, those two.
Nevertheless, I know, I know, I know that I must not ever compare myself with the rest. They might not get straight As for STPM, even though they aim. My target isn't to be better than they are. My target is to do my best. And from past experience, if I can just get the heaven and hell in me working, I can.
The next blanks required our weaknesses and strengths. I kept adding on more weaknesses after browsing through the other Head Counts.
:D What can I say? I'd rather pick out my own flaws before anyone else does. Much less my teacher.
1. Sangat lemah dalam Matematik. (My Math sucks.)
2. Tidak fokus (Easily distracted.)
3. Malas. (Lazy is this bum of mine.)
4. Tidak berdisiplin. (Too slack.)
5. Emosi tidak stabil (I started laughing here. Tze Feng asked me if I was going to bite her.)
6.
I know I wrote at least two more, but I'd forgotten now.
1. Bahasa Inggeris O.K. (Good English is important, people. Especially when three out of your four subjects are taught in English. You memorize stuff better when it's in a language you're very comfortable with.)
2. Suka membaca. Sangat suka. (I like reading.)
3. Forgot.
Okay! I remembered one other weakness: Terlalu 'perfektionis'. (Too much of a perfectionist.)
And one more! Lambat buat kerja. (SLOW.)
The two are related.
I'm still around five exercises behind others, because instead of only solving the assigned problems, I finish everything. One by one.
And I don't move on to the next question until I'd solved the ones before crystal clear no problemo.
Okay, maybe not for every problem. Because sometimes I just really cannot figure Math out. But mostly, I must write out every solution nicely & clearly with no holes or question marks (I hate having to write question marks beside my solutions).
Jason Yong laughed when I told him were I was with my homework. "I didn't even finish last year's!" He waved while strolling off.
And still he didn't fail Math and Chem. Explode.
The last part of our Head Count was the results of both Papers for our General Studies last year (I got fairly above average results, but no A so I am not that happy) and our Cita-Cita.
"What is your Cita-Cita, Tze Feng?"
"Huh? Ji Dan Ji Dan?"
"No, CITA-CITA."
"Laugh laugh laugh ohhh I thought you said Ji Dan Ji Dan laugh laugh laugh."
I tried laughing too. I'm a very nice girl. When people laugh and think something's funny, I laugh with them and try to see the funny in that something. No, I don't laugh at people.
I think.
She wants to be a lawyer. Doraemon too. Judith (Another Lawas student with straight A PLUSESSSS) wants to be a pharmacist. Or anything to do with medicine. Maybe Chinese Traditional Medicine (Wo)Man?
Chang Sin Fung (School's hope for STPM Four Flat 2011 Numbha Uno) wants to be a Computer Engineer. He prefers Biology over Physics, but because of his CITA-CITA, had to relinquish Biology for Physics.
Vivian Goh (School's hope for STPM Four Flat 2011 Numbha Duo) wants to be a dentist! So does Keele, the guy whose skin and flesh is sooooo tender and white and bouncy that the girls kept stroking and touching his arms while helping out with the Purple Team's decoration preparations-...
The guy who sits on my left, Liew Yun Kian, wants to be a Computer Engineer too! Jurutera Pengkomputeran (He asked me what Engineer is in Malay, so I asked CSF, which was how I knew about their CITA-CITA)
If I'm not mistaken, all of them wrote down one CITA-CITA or another. I think I'm the only one who left it blank there.
Lawyer? Graphic Designer? Doctor? Psychologist? Biochemist? Biologist? Journalist? Illustrator? Translator? Pharmacist? Baker? Teacher?
I really don't want to forgo my Science path. But at the same time, I actually have a life to consider, this time. Not to mention my increasing desire to have an above average income.
Yesterday, school was horrible. Nothing bad happened, not outside of my head at least. I was so close to bursting out in tears, and in fact I did burst out, but in laughter that made Keele bring everyone else's attention to me & people accuse me of wanting to bite him.
I simply felt so inadequate and fed up of all the things that I have to deprive myself of, as well as all the goals I have to achieve. Fright & anger do not go well together, biologically speaking. It corners you into a 'fight-or-flight' situation. And when you're cornered, you can't take the second option. Where do you flee? But then again, what is there for me to fight against?
Nevertheless, everything was fine by night time. Breathed, smiled, fell in love again. The frustration was still there, but it was easier to press it down beneath a good feeling.
It's kind of useless to try convince myself, or anyone else, to lighten up when the storm hits. But for myself, I'm still figuring out how to make myself deal with bad situations with a better attitude.
It's difficult to balance between caring with a hundred-percent sincere heart, & not being obsessed and negatively affected by something.
Knowing how bad a friend has it right now makes me feel downer in the dumps.
& Nigel's not really have the time of his life.
But what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. & God will be with us as long as we let Him be first. If I forget every other motivation, let me remember these.
Signed, Carmelia.
Feeling, okay.
Thinking, I had times so good they will never be offset by oncoming bad times.
"Tuliskan apa target kamu bagi STPM--"
I didn't even have to think about it. A, A, A, and oh, another A!
Tze Feng gave herself a B+ for Biology. Aghast! "B+? Mei You Xin Xin Meh Ni?" (You don't have confidence mehhh?"
She's one of them students from Lawas who got straight As for SPM. Straight A PLUSES. Heck.
"Mei You Oh... Biology, no confidence."
I took another look at my own targets. But I didn't reach for the correction tape.
The next blanks I filled were my SPM results for Malay, History, Mathematics & Additional Mathematics. A, A, A, B-.
Thinking back to the day I had my Add Math papers... It was all God's grace. I'd gone home for more revision, & the very problems I solved (with the aid of the answer sheets, of course- Carmy don't solve Math problems a lot) were the ones that came out for SPM. Maybe the digits changed a bit, but otherwise, OMG HAHAHA. I was grinning the whole time I photocopied the answers from memory onto my SPM paper. Those fifteen marks helped me with my B-, definitely.
"Kalau kamu lupa keputusan ujian tahun lalu, nanti cikgu bagi kamu mastersheet untuk rujukan."
Of course, I'd forgotten. I always forget my grades. I vaguely remembered my General Studies to be wayyyyy better than the other Subjects, and I know I didn't fail Biology, and I know I definitely failed Chemistry & Mathematics without a doubt.
Referring to the mastersheet, apparently I got a B for General Studies, a C+ for Biology and Fun Fun for my two most favourite subjects!
I felt much relieved once I looked through the other Head Counts (Keele is Vice Class Monitor this week so I got to mooch around the class stuff) because most of them got Fun Fun too for Chemistry & Mathematics. Killer stuff, those two.
Nevertheless, I know, I know, I know that I must not ever compare myself with the rest. They might not get straight As for STPM, even though they aim. My target isn't to be better than they are. My target is to do my best. And from past experience, if I can just get the heaven and hell in me working, I can.
The next blanks required our weaknesses and strengths. I kept adding on more weaknesses after browsing through the other Head Counts.
:D What can I say? I'd rather pick out my own flaws before anyone else does. Much less my teacher.
1. Sangat lemah dalam Matematik. (My Math sucks.)
2. Tidak fokus (Easily distracted.)
3. Malas. (Lazy is this bum of mine.)
4. Tidak berdisiplin. (Too slack.)
5. Emosi tidak stabil (I started laughing here. Tze Feng asked me if I was going to bite her.)
6.
I know I wrote at least two more, but I'd forgotten now.
1. Bahasa Inggeris O.K. (Good English is important, people. Especially when three out of your four subjects are taught in English. You memorize stuff better when it's in a language you're very comfortable with.)
2. Suka membaca. Sangat suka. (I like reading.)
3. Forgot.
Okay! I remembered one other weakness: Terlalu 'perfektionis'. (Too much of a perfectionist.)
And one more! Lambat buat kerja. (SLOW.)
The two are related.
I'm still around five exercises behind others, because instead of only solving the assigned problems, I finish everything. One by one.
And I don't move on to the next question until I'd solved the ones before crystal clear no problemo.
Okay, maybe not for every problem. Because sometimes I just really cannot figure Math out. But mostly, I must write out every solution nicely & clearly with no holes or question marks (I hate having to write question marks beside my solutions).
Jason Yong laughed when I told him were I was with my homework. "I didn't even finish last year's!" He waved while strolling off.
And still he didn't fail Math and Chem. Explode.
The last part of our Head Count was the results of both Papers for our General Studies last year (I got fairly above average results, but no A so I am not that happy) and our Cita-Cita.
"What is your Cita-Cita, Tze Feng?"
"Huh? Ji Dan Ji Dan?"
"No, CITA-CITA."
"Laugh laugh laugh ohhh I thought you said Ji Dan Ji Dan laugh laugh laugh."
I tried laughing too. I'm a very nice girl. When people laugh and think something's funny, I laugh with them and try to see the funny in that something. No, I don't laugh at people.
I think.
She wants to be a lawyer. Doraemon too. Judith (Another Lawas student with straight A PLUSESSSS) wants to be a pharmacist. Or anything to do with medicine. Maybe Chinese Traditional Medicine (Wo)Man?
Chang Sin Fung (School's hope for STPM Four Flat 2011 Numbha Uno) wants to be a Computer Engineer. He prefers Biology over Physics, but because of his CITA-CITA, had to relinquish Biology for Physics.
Vivian Goh (School's hope for STPM Four Flat 2011 Numbha Duo) wants to be a dentist! So does Keele, the guy whose skin and flesh is sooooo tender and white and bouncy that the girls kept stroking and touching his arms while helping out with the Purple Team's decoration preparations-...
The guy who sits on my left, Liew Yun Kian, wants to be a Computer Engineer too! Jurutera Pengkomputeran (He asked me what Engineer is in Malay, so I asked CSF, which was how I knew about their CITA-CITA)
If I'm not mistaken, all of them wrote down one CITA-CITA or another. I think I'm the only one who left it blank there.
Lawyer? Graphic Designer? Doctor? Psychologist? Biochemist? Biologist? Journalist? Illustrator? Translator? Pharmacist? Baker? Teacher?
I really don't want to forgo my Science path. But at the same time, I actually have a life to consider, this time. Not to mention my increasing desire to have an above average income.
Yesterday, school was horrible. Nothing bad happened, not outside of my head at least. I was so close to bursting out in tears, and in fact I did burst out, but in laughter that made Keele bring everyone else's attention to me & people accuse me of wanting to bite him.
I simply felt so inadequate and fed up of all the things that I have to deprive myself of, as well as all the goals I have to achieve. Fright & anger do not go well together, biologically speaking. It corners you into a 'fight-or-flight' situation. And when you're cornered, you can't take the second option. Where do you flee? But then again, what is there for me to fight against?
Nevertheless, everything was fine by night time. Breathed, smiled, fell in love again. The frustration was still there, but it was easier to press it down beneath a good feeling.
It's kind of useless to try convince myself, or anyone else, to lighten up when the storm hits. But for myself, I'm still figuring out how to make myself deal with bad situations with a better attitude.
It's difficult to balance between caring with a hundred-percent sincere heart, & not being obsessed and negatively affected by something.
Knowing how bad a friend has it right now makes me feel downer in the dumps.
& Nigel's not really have the time of his life.
But what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. & God will be with us as long as we let Him be first. If I forget every other motivation, let me remember these.
Signed, Carmelia.
Feeling, okay.
Thinking, I had times so good they will never be offset by oncoming bad times.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
See you.
A whole lot of words to say to him, but instead, I write. As for words I have no one in particular to present to,
Well, not much, really. Most of what I have to say, I want to say to him. Most of it, him alone.
And life goes on!
I have some more homework waiting for me upstairs, & a room messed up from an hour's frantic dressing-undressing-dressing-undressing. Because of this, I feel a bit frustrated.
But otherwise, well, honestly, I am looking forward to stepping through every single day & learning to discipline myself.
To studying hours on end & not feeling like a total dumbo in class.
To going outside for sunshine, & running like I've never run before.
To dropping in coins & notes into my pink bear bank.
To saying no, finally, to outings, shopping, duties, & knowing I'm being disciplined enough.
To saying yes to a few of them & enjoying every minute of them & knowing I deserve them.
To missing my boy so much I'll cry, & smile, & cry, & smile. And carry on.
I miss you, Nigel Chee . I don't want people to think otherwise 'cause I don't show it, because I do. Who doesn't? You're an amazing friend. & maybe it's because I have this totally major crush on you, but you light the place up wherever you are. Your aunt's place is gonna be blessed :))
My parents are... Well, I can't say for sure, but it seems that they're actually thinking I'll be devastated & emotionally unstable today. They'd let me out last night to my boy's party, & dad actually let me drive to the airport to send him off just now. Without resistance, no words of lecture or even half a frown from mum. I swear.
It's kind of amusing, and a little touching, but at the same time... Annoying. Nevertheless, thank God, thank God.
I might be emotionally unstable. My reaction got hung for an hour or so, when I crashed the Avanza last March. It was as though I was unaffected at all, but afterwards I'd curled up beside sissy & cried out of delayed shock. I never know what's going on with me.
But I'm sure this time, hey, I'm alright. I will be. I have too much to do to think too much about the sadistic side of life, which is actually quite fragile compared to the bright side. I have so much going on for me right now, too much on the line.
I still get scared. But that is never the answer to questions asked because when questions are asked, life just automatically seems alright.
A bestfriend's going through some relationship problems now. I... I really don't know what to say or do about it. But she's being so strong, I'm, frankly, amazed.
A strong head on my shoulders. Because you make it so, darling.
A lot more going on in my mind, but I will stop for now. More action, less talk. Words will mean so much more with actions backing them up.
Signed, Carmelia.
Feeling, okay.
Thinking, time is ticking by, time is passing!
Well, not much, really. Most of what I have to say, I want to say to him. Most of it, him alone.
And life goes on!
I have some more homework waiting for me upstairs, & a room messed up from an hour's frantic dressing-undressing-dressing-undressing. Because of this, I feel a bit frustrated.
But otherwise, well, honestly, I am looking forward to stepping through every single day & learning to discipline myself.
To studying hours on end & not feeling like a total dumbo in class.
To going outside for sunshine, & running like I've never run before.
To dropping in coins & notes into my pink bear bank.
To saying no, finally, to outings, shopping, duties, & knowing I'm being disciplined enough.
To saying yes to a few of them & enjoying every minute of them & knowing I deserve them.
To missing my boy so much I'll cry, & smile, & cry, & smile. And carry on.
I miss you, Nigel Chee . I don't want people to think otherwise 'cause I don't show it, because I do. Who doesn't? You're an amazing friend. & maybe it's because I have this totally major crush on you, but you light the place up wherever you are. Your aunt's place is gonna be blessed :))
My parents are... Well, I can't say for sure, but it seems that they're actually thinking I'll be devastated & emotionally unstable today. They'd let me out last night to my boy's party, & dad actually let me drive to the airport to send him off just now. Without resistance, no words of lecture or even half a frown from mum. I swear.
It's kind of amusing, and a little touching, but at the same time... Annoying. Nevertheless, thank God, thank God.
I might be emotionally unstable. My reaction got hung for an hour or so, when I crashed the Avanza last March. It was as though I was unaffected at all, but afterwards I'd curled up beside sissy & cried out of delayed shock. I never know what's going on with me.
But I'm sure this time, hey, I'm alright. I will be. I have too much to do to think too much about the sadistic side of life, which is actually quite fragile compared to the bright side. I have so much going on for me right now, too much on the line.
I still get scared. But that is never the answer to questions asked because when questions are asked, life just automatically seems alright.
A bestfriend's going through some relationship problems now. I... I really don't know what to say or do about it. But she's being so strong, I'm, frankly, amazed.
A strong head on my shoulders. Because you make it so, darling.
A lot more going on in my mind, but I will stop for now. More action, less talk. Words will mean so much more with actions backing them up.
Signed, Carmelia.
Feeling, okay.
Thinking, time is ticking by, time is passing!
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