See you.

A whole lot of words to say to him, but instead, I write. As for words I have no one in particular to present to,

Well, not much, really. Most of what I have to say, I want to say to him. Most of it, him alone.

And life goes on!

I have some more homework waiting for me upstairs, & a room messed up from an hour's frantic dressing-undressing-dressing-undressing. Because of this, I feel a bit frustrated.

But otherwise, well, honestly, I am looking forward to stepping through every single day & learning to discipline myself.

To studying hours on end & not feeling like a total dumbo in class.

To going outside for sunshine, & running like I've never run before.

To dropping in coins & notes into my pink bear bank.

To saying no, finally, to outings, shopping, duties, & knowing I'm being disciplined enough.

To saying yes to a few of them & enjoying every minute of them & knowing I deserve them.

To missing my boy so much I'll cry, & smile, & cry, & smile. And carry on.


I miss you, Nigel Chee . I don't want people to think otherwise 'cause I don't show it, because I do. Who doesn't? You're an amazing friend. & maybe it's because I have this totally major crush on you, but you light the place up wherever you are. Your aunt's place is gonna be blessed :))


My parents are... Well, I can't say for sure, but it seems that they're actually thinking I'll be devastated & emotionally unstable today. They'd let me out last night to my boy's party, & dad actually let me drive to the airport to send him off just now. Without resistance, no words of lecture or even half a frown from mum. I swear.

It's kind of amusing, and a little touching, but at the same time... Annoying. Nevertheless, thank God, thank God.

I might be emotionally unstable. My reaction got hung for an hour or so, when I crashed the Avanza last March. It was as though I was unaffected at all, but afterwards I'd curled up beside sissy & cried out of delayed shock. I never know what's going on with me.

But I'm sure this time, hey, I'm alright. I will be. I have too much to do to think too much about the sadistic side of life, which is actually quite fragile compared to the bright side. I have so much going on for me right now, too much on the line.

I still get scared. But that is never the answer to questions asked because when questions are asked, life just automatically seems alright.

A bestfriend's going through some relationship problems now. I... I really don't know what to say or do about it. But she's being so strong, I'm, frankly, amazed.

A strong head on my shoulders. Because you make it so, darling.

A lot more going on in my mind, but I will stop for now. More action, less talk. Words will mean so much more with actions backing them up.


Signed, Carmelia.


Feeling, okay.
Thinking, time is ticking by, time is passing!