THIN

I'M THE BEFORE PICTURE!!!

...Well, alright, so maybe I'm not that fat.

But that's what makes it so difficult to get the 'After' picture.

Because I become too lenient with myself.

I want to lose weight.

People ask me why.


1. I want to look really good.
I don't know,
I get the feeling that it's easier to impress & get people to respect & like you
when you look good.
It sounds shallow, sadly,
but if I don't try then I'll never know.


2. I want to be able to wear whatever.
First off, almost all pretty clothes are in sizes Medium & smaller.
I'm a rough size M,
but if I can fit into size S,
oh my gosh.
Shopping!!! <3
I am limited to certain styles of clothing now,
because I have to accentuate this & tone down that blah blah,
but if I'm skinny enough,
then I will be able to look good
in whatever it is that I feel like throwing on
any day, any time.

3. I dislike being bigger than my mum.
She used to be my size but then came the Great Meltdown.
Now people always say that her daughter's
"Oh, so big already! Bigger than you!"
Aunty, I don't like you anymore.
I don't mind being taller than she is,
in fact that's awesome.
But bigger.
No.
I'm the teenager here.
You go be the proper middle-aged mother.
I wanna be the rebellious, stupid little teenager.
Little.

4. I want to see if I am disciplined enough.






















<3 How lovely.

I'm scared that God won't let me achieve that *points at lovely picture*
Because maybe, if I'm able to rock anything that I wear,
I might start wearing...
Clothes that are not proper.
It is very tempting.



I used to hate my breasts.
But now they can just stay put,
it's the rest of my body that I have problems with.

No more binge eating!
No more fried food!
No more carbohydrates!
No more ice cream!

This hurts T___T

No more cake!
No more dinners!


But I really really don't want to end up looking too thin.
I'd rather be chubby
than have my shoulder blades & ribs sticking out.


Nevertheless, I have to be careful not to cause myself to breakdown.
2011 is a year in which I must be healthy.



...

I wonder how long this will last.

Signed, Carmelia.


Feeling, motivated.
Thinking, I have failed so many times... All the more reasons to not fail this time!