Pre- Grade 7 Piano Examination (43.5 hours)

I have approximately...

*counts*

24 hours + 9.5 hours + 10 hours

= 43.5 hours

before the examination.

I'll be breathing, thinking, feeling MUSIC

...and because I'm not the type who goes all "MUSIC IS MY LIFE", that is definitely going to DRIVE ME CRAZY.

*Britney Spears* You drive me kwwaaaaaa-zeeee~~

It's like releasing a bird into the wild... Ocean.

Sunday night was one of the worst nights emotionally for me. I'd have overdosed on Became if dad didn't accidentally see the pills on the table. I didn't plan to commit suicide, mind you, I'm not that stupid. I just really, really wanted to go to sleep. Now I know how horrible it is when you can't sleep because... Well, you just can't sleep.

And then I woke up all quiet and... I'm not sure how I was, but I must have acted weird because around 9, mum told me to get into the car and drive the both of us to Sister Suk's.

I didn't really want to go. The adults just keep telling me things I already know. I know. I know. Shoot, I FREAKING KNOW ALREADY.

But I just went. And I'm glad I did. Yeah, Sister Suk did tell me things I already know, but somehow she managed to re-confirm some important facts. We prayed. I talked a bit, she talked a bit. We discussed a bit.

Nigel texted me, so I knew he was alright and he wasn't, well, totally pissed and mad at me.

I don't know what is the cause, what is the sub-cause, exactly what solved the problem and what helped...

Bottom line, I felt so much better as I drove home with mum.

:D

Thank You Jesus. Even if this feel-good thing is only going to last as long as I need it to, well, at least let it continue now. This piano examination is already killing me. I'm setting all my assignments aside, for the weekend. Now, it's music, music, music.

*gag*

I thought I was so strong, but I'd just forgotten how terrible it is to feel that explosion happening again and again inside you and there is absolutely nothing you can do to make it stop. That happened like, what? Four years ago? I'm not sure even if this isn't the first time.


Signed, Carmelia.


Feeling, weird.
Thinking, I'm so sorry. To a lot of people. For a lot of things.