Not As Happy

It's 6.06PM.

I heard a story about a pastor who would always start church service by thanking God for all things. He never ran out of things to thank God for. He was always optimistic, sometimes unbearably so.
So one day, a terrible, terrible storm, heavy rain raged on. Inside the church building, the congregation waited to see what the pastor would say about the weather. Surely, nothing good. The pastor finally spoke.
"Thank you, oh Lord, that weathers such as this do not happen often."




This day, this week didn't start out swell. I woke up with nasty lumps in my throat, thanks to the vomit episode yesterday. Got downstairs to be greeted by a moody mother. Sophia was sick, so she did not attend school.

I was rushing to get to school as early as possible, so that I could go look for my wallet. My IC, driver's license, and RM40+ were in there. I'd realized it was missing last Friday and knew I lost it the same day because I'd always checked to see if I had my wallet with me whenever I drove. I wasn't feeling my best on Friday, which might explain how on earth I forgot about my wallet.

Jerry never really cooperates whenever I want to get to school early. He didn't this morning. I got down, lugged the monster backpack with me to the Chemistry laboratory and started the search.

But, to no avail.

Classes were alright. Come recess, and mum handed me my wallet. Everything, minus my receipts and the cash, was intact. A teacher found it on my desk. I thank God for whoever it is that had the sense to return the wallet and everything inside, even if they did take part of the class fund, which I now have to pay back with the RM100 I earned cleaning up my room.

Everything went alright. I even had fun during Pengajian Am, which was a first. Cikgu Azmi tended to call on me to speak. The attention, I really enjoyed, especially when I actually did have ideas and opinions to share.

Before school was over, I found myself with two new posts. Secretary of the committee for the annual Prefects Farewell Ceremony, and AJK for the backdrop of the Chinese Language Society's upcoming Mooncake Festival.

After spending colloquium planning out Wednesday's English Language Society game, mum drove me home. I'd planned to drive downtown to get some things for my class. Goes to show I should never put too much hope in what I plan to do. Mum didn't say no, but she did not say yes either. She didn't tell me straight why I couldn't, or what I could do so that I can. Basically, she didn't help me solve my problem.

So I asked to send Jerry to Central for his drum lessons, because I really missed driving and I needed to unwind. But no.

And only later, after I'd unconsciously accused my mum of not wanting to let me drive, did she inform me that she wanted to send Jerry because she had some other errands to run. Why couldn't she have told me that earlier? But forget it. I just kept my mouth shut.

In the end, she got fed up and abandoned everything. So I had to drive, just as I was starting on my Mathematics. Fine. I didn't make a big fuss out of it, because honestly, I was glad I could drive. But I was not happy.

I wandered around Central, waiting for Jerry to finish his lesson. And when it was time to go, the Avanza wouldn't start. What a sight I was, a girl running around the car, looking under the hood and fiddling with the engine, a cellphone attached to her ear.

Long story short, I got home and went straight to the computer.

Reading what I'd typed out so far, I can't see why today was so bad. Everything was fine. I got my wallet back. Squabbles with mum were normal. So what if the car broke down? People were friendly to me today. None of the teachers scolded me for anything. I didn't break anything.

Now mum is telling me to drop the two posts I got today. I don't even want to respond. If she wants me to drop them, I'll drop them. The burdens of duties and tasks I can handle; emotional burdens simply crush me.