Biscuit

Girl!

I like that term very much.

Nicknames. Being someone who used to spend hours thinking up names & character profiles for her stories, and actually enjoying it, I notice & judge nicknames more than others do.

How they were derived, whether
; from the original names, or
; from some special incident,
; or just like that.

***

My first nick should be thung. It comes from my Chinese name, Yong Chiu Thung. Thung means scarlet, which is kinda pretty. Maybe I only think so because it isn't a conventional name, like Mei, Li, Huey, Xiao...

From Thung, I got labels like Thung Thung Chiang (Lion Dance) and Thung Sampah (Rubbish Bin). I'd forgotten whether or not I minded, back then. But I had definitely disliked people knowing my nickname at home was Thung Thung, once upon a time.

I'm fine with it now, actually. Even if I get teased for it. Hey, even better- I get conversation starters & attention.

***

Then... The usual Camera, Caramel, Camel, Proton-Melia (courtesy of Primary School buddy David Ong)...

But me being called these was a rare occasion, so they left no dents, positive or negative.

***

During my tween period, I used to give myself names. Sharon was one, but that didn't last long. Cassandra was another. I think.

The longest lasting nick I gave myself was Ashley. I think I liked it so much (Still do, actually) because
; of the Ash in front. It give a greyish feel to the name, & it makes it ambiguous.
; of the -ley. I've always liked the name Lee. Clean-cut, easy to pronounce, but not bland.

Ashlee would have been really nice, but a certain Simpson...

My fondness for the name Ashley upped to an all time high when I found out that it's indeed ambiguous- there are guys named Ashley. I used it for myself in the stories I wrote, I used it to mark certain belongings of mine, & I used it for heroines in my stories who weren't me.

But my friends started recognizing my tie with the name. I didn't like how they'd think I was writing about myself every time I write about a heroine not based on me who was given the precious name. Talk about identity thefts.

So no more Ashley.

***

Raine was next. She was one of the heroines in one of my best written- scratch that, make it, my best-written story: an orphan girl (Surprise surprise...) who lives alone in New York, is secretly watched & protected by a fighter boy, comes from a prominent linage & can get in anybody's face like nobody's business.

Oh, and she has lips that darkens with the lowering of her environment temperature, turns into a mermaid & can shoot H20 from her hands. Just saying.

Okay, I ended up making her way too COOL for me not to start wanting to be her. This girl was FANTASTIC. She wasn't perfect, but the flaws that I chose to give her were the kind that brings out the beauty of human weaknesses.

But I couldn't start calling myself Raine. Some of my close friends read that story sometimes. It was too embarassing.

So Eniar was born.

***

Eniar passed on around... After my PMR, if I am not mistaken. That was when I started to really live. Went out, participated in debate, art competitions, drama, youth activities- With a real life to live that was actually pretty decent, & becoming a girl who was, not yet pretty or intelligent or golden-hearted, but still, growing in confidence- I didn't really need Eniar anymore.

Not to mention that I'd lost all my files for that story. They're all in hibernation now, Derek, Phoebe, Raine, Lucas- Until I start writing again, guys.

So when WiWi, a youth member from Sandakan, started calling me Cammy, I didn't start using it for myself. I really liked it- It sounded casual, & the way he used it was sincere & natural. But he was probably the only person who called me that. Others around us picked it up a little, but after he left for Sandakan, Cammy was no more too.

***

'Melia' is the most common nick that people use for me nowadays, from my bezzies to my classmates, that is: anyone who has known me long enough to have developed the habit of referring to me in the most convenient manner possible. Melia is quicker to pronounce than Carmelia.

Sometimes people pronounce it as 'Kem'-Melia, for ease of pronounciation, which gives it a rather sophisticated roll, in my opinion. But it isn't really accurate because of the absence of the 'r'.

I don't mind Melia. But I don't use it for myself much. Or at all, actually, because it just isn't full.

***

Fast forward to 2010, &, as people would know, I met a really, really cool person who ended up owning me.

I'd always thought I would end up just calling my boyfriend/husband by his first name, & vice versa, because I just couldn't see myself using those famous terms of endearments. Also, the type of guy I envisioned I'd end up with. Either first names, or shortened versions of our first names. (...Hm. I seem to like shortened versions of names a lot. Of course, they have to be shortened properly.) I like things to be casual between us. My best idea of romance back then was, well, always being there for each other, knowing what the other thinks, knowing almost everything- being able to just sit & talk the night away. No frills. So of course, naturally, no terms of endearments for such a... Quiet, cup-of-coffee romance. I just wasn't used to it.

Well, people change, don't they? He calls me darling, & I was startled to hear him call me that outside, in supermarkets, at home- it never occurred to me that he would. I know husband and wives who do that but... Me? A darling? It took some time to digest, but after a while, I began responding automatically to that, especially when we meet up few times in a row.

Don't get me wrong. Darling is a fantastic pet name. I mean, come on. A tall, totally gorgeous boy with beautiful eyes & a smile to die for calls you darling in the middle of the marketplace. Haha, fangirl scream much!

***

I think names are important. They are like shadows- They aren't you, & definitely don't reflect who you are, but they're stuck with you all the time, & sometimes, they remind you, more or less, of your identity. Maybe not the entire you, but still, the shape of it.

When I think of the name 'Carmelia', I tend to visualize the color green & blue. Mediocrity comes to mind, with a dash of selfishness, but somewhere in the middle... A vague tint of red that darkens occasionally. Meaning, there's still hope lah, to be something of worth.

If it's Camellia, I'd think tones of cream, delicate spirals of green with the fresh scent of vanilla <3 Or maybe even green tea! (Camilla Sinensis is Green Tea, or something like that)

But no, I had to get the one with the Malay-sounding phonics.

It's okay, though. :) I'm Malaysian what!

I have visualizations & feelings for names of most people I know. Most are influenced by the person himself, some, just because of the phonics or other connections. Interestingly, though, for the name Nigel...

It's a blank slate. Images just drift in & out but none of them could ever just stay & attach itself to the name. Maybe something clean. Just, pure. White? ...But that in itself describe emptiness, absence of, well, anything. I think there's just too many elements within that five-lettered name to be able to define it with any visualizations. I don't know for sure. Will figure it out!


Signed, Carmelia.


Feeling, pleased.
Thinking, Awsh Awsh Awsh Awsh Awsh Awsh Awsh.