Tuesday: Yii Chyng's Birthday

Today was also the last day of the first trials for us.

Yii Chyng treated us to Korean cuisine at a shop in Lintas. After that, we had the cake Doraemon got from Uncle Biscuit. We pooled cash together to get that, plus two more presents. A small, pink, noseless mouthless bunny- And a larger version of it which we used to surprise her after she got the small, seemingly cheap one.

I wasn't in the plan, though. So I was as startled as Chyng when Jona took the big, black trash bin bag out (containing the big bunny!)

We took walks at Marina, Sutera after that. Walking in those wedges ain't easy. Not because they're high, but because the straps cut.

Nigel's not feeling well. & he'd finished his sleeping pills so he's having a hard time sleeping now.

It makes sense not to rely on something too much. I try not to rely on coffee to stay awake. I occasionally don't have it even though I feel like I need it, because you must not rely on any form of drugs, medical or not, to function. At least, you try not to.

Easy to say. But when it comes down to it, sometimes I just don't care & want that friggin' sleeping pill or pain killer.



Emotions can be so easily stirred.

Li- Li- Light it up, Light it up tonight.

Music is powerful. So very.

It wouldn't be incorrect to say that music helped me fall for Nigel. I've had crushes, but the one I had on my boyfriend was the deepest. Perhaps this was because I allowed myself to immerse in music that reminded me of him. Or perhaps I only immersed because he was already that big of a deal. Chicken and egg dilemma.

& walking along the lights in the resort gardens- It was just so romantic. And this is as straightforward as I can put it. It sounds ditzy, I suppose. I for one don't appreciate how humans are so easily influenced by their physical environment & music. It causes a lot of inconsistency & problems, if one is not conscious of the influence.

But I am conscious of it, so I suppose it's alright. More than that, in fact. If I am not so easily swayed by the romance that surrounds me, then I'm in for a tragically dull life.

I'm glad I'm someone who squeals in delight over cute, pretty things. I'm happy to be someone who cries when she sees sad things.

As long as I don't cry for myself.

I'm nineteen. I've always wanted to be married by 25.

What I want now might sound silly or dreamy to most, especially to the adults. Because, well, I should be asleep now & wake early for school tomorrow, or studying. I shouldn't be thinking too far ahead.

But I think, what I want is what I want, right? Maybe I should take a chance & just let it be, instead of fitting myself into their mold.

Both paths probably take me somewhere I'll be one day, saying, I made the right decision. Both are probably going to be right decisions.

So why not take the path less traveled by?

I dream of nights just walking by the sea, my hand in his. With nothing to worry about, no school or work the next day to think about. I dream of sea breezes. I dream of turning up the stereo playing our favorite songs. I dream of just snuggling in a cold room, under warm blankets.

I even dream about us fighting. & it's going to be heartbreaking. No other guy is going to hurt me ever so much. No other guy can. & when we make up, the feeling of relief & happiness is going to flood me over, because I would have had been blessed with having him for so long, I wouldn't be able to appreciate him a lot.

Not being able to appreciate Nigel. I don't think that would happen in a long, long time. Normally teenagers fall hard, go through the fiery stages of romance, and it dies out somewhat by itself. We couldn't even spend our so-called honeymoon months together properly.

For myself, I see this as a blessing, our distance apart. It sucks really bad now, it really does. I miss him loads, I become insecure, I become jealous & scared, I'm always wishing for him to be here or for me to be there with him.

When you're deprived of something you badly want for a long time, when you get it, perhaps you wouldn't take it for granted that easily anymore.

He's telling me to go to sleep. I will!

Signed, Carmelia.

Feeling, a little sad.
Thinking, chin up, be a great girl, girl.