End of Form 6 Orientation Week 2010

Orientation Week, in terms of achieving its purpose, sort of failed. I didn't feel particularly orientated towards Kota Kinabalu High School. I don't know about the new students. Perhaps Orientation Week worked for them. Then again, hanging around a new location for five days, whatever you do, you'd get used to it.

But it's okay. I don't need to get orientated.

OW started last Wednesday, and dragged on until yesterday. Every morning, we met at the hall, before going to the canteen for breakfast and talk. I hung out mostly with Lai Yee Wei (Ah Lai), Chong Li Ying, and Ng Jia Phui. Didn't mean I hanged myself on them, though. As ever, as always, I tend to find myself drifting on the outskirts of the crowd. Alone but, not a loner.

Talks on various subjects punctuated our otherwise lazy days. The teachers seemed intent on scaring us into kicking Science away. Listening to them talk about the syllabus and practicals needed to be done gave me a slight headache. No wonder STPM is claimed to be one of the world's most difficult examinations, relatively speaking.

But at the end of the day, the students were more intent on being ambitious and face the challenge head-on. There are 18 of us now in 6 Rendah Sains, which is actually a huge number compared with the Science classes of previous years. Or so the teachers say.

Our head is Mr. Goh Boon Swee. He teaches Chemistry, and as I'd suspected, is extremely intense. To be that good in a subject that notorious, you have to be intense. He strides in, strides out... He doesn't rush, but neither does he walk. Strides. Like he's on an errand for God Himself. I mean that in a good way, because to be efficient, I guess you can't laze about or slack.

Now, I get personal.

I hardly believe it, but my self-confidence has steeled so much, I'm able to tied my hair up, all the way UP, tight, neat, a total egg-headed geek, and go to school. In the past I'd at least have tried to mess up my hair a bit, so that locks of it will fall by my face.

But not this time.

I'd also abandoned my contacts and wore my Dickies spectacles. In the past, I'd have worn my contacts, for the sake of looking good, even if they were way past their expiry dates, even if I was sleepy and my eyes hurt.

But, not this time.

Two people said I looked better wearing glasses. Namely, Ervin John and Chong Li Ying. I barely thanked them, because I didn't think it was a big deal. Last year, maybe, I'd have felt really good about it. This time, since I was wearing my spectacles out of disregard for beauty, I didn't care. Still, I must care to a certain degree to have noticed this at all :)

Today, we began our lessons. Pengajian Am (General Paper in Bahasa) has a section where it's simple Mathematics. Just basic statistics, and I had a little fun with them. :D BIG DEAL, alright? I used to hate Mathematics so much I'd cry while doing them. Like I cried practicing the piano once, back when I was suffering in Grade 3.

The only problem I'll have with Pengajian Am is the information. I'm okay with the medium (Bahasa), I'm fine with the interpretation of information, but the information which we are required to retain in our heads, the AM in the Pengajian Am itself, is a big problem. For example, Gangsterism. We were to write on ways to overcome this problem, and for every point, we have to have at least three facts. Facts as in, Acts, Laws, Incidents... Things politicians say... (I don't know why what politicians say are so important.)

It's already a bit frustrating trying to dig out stuff like that on the internet. How annoying it was, trying to sew them together with my points. And for someone to thinks too much, like me, I end up throwing points away because I'd accidentally think of at least three rebuttals to that particular point. I don't like arguing for something I don't want to argue for.

I think I'll end up making my parents spend a fortune on books, because I want the latest texts for all my subjects. For Chemistry alone, there are around six books the teacher told us to get ("If you want to invest!"). Biology and Additional Mathematics are heavy duty subjects as well, so I don't expect less than RM80 for the books required for each.

Cikgu Lim Tong Seng told my mum that if I went for Art Stream, I'd easily (comparatively) score my four flat.

I know. I am so tempted to go for my Art and Languages, and live the last few years of my teenage the way I want to live it. Comfortably, wildly. Night rides, new friends, excitement... Blah. But what happened after that? None of the professions of Art, or Languages, attracts me as much as the practicality of, and the service I can offer as, a doctor.

Facebook will be a very huge factor if I end up distracted from my studies.

Well, have to sign off now. I slept through part of MUET today. My body always feels so drained. I've been taking these Iron and Folic Acid pills, and I have to go back to the doctor to check if they're helping. There's no need to check, even. I can just tell them, NO. My left arm is kind of sore from all those injections.

I like injections. If they jab me some more, I might even come to love them. The feeling of a cold, metal needle under my skin...

It's 10:16pm, sixteen minutes past curfew. Off to bed now. Will be slowly devouring some dream food. I'm always scared of good books. I know they'll manage to make a very painful, permanent mark somewhere in there. :)

10:20pm.

Hurriedly signing off, Carmelia.

Feeling, physically, emotionally, mentally weak.
Thinking, it's weird writing so much and not infesting my words with emoticons.