My neck hurts now, especially when I turn it. Now I can't look to my right without this sharp pain jolting my head and making me slightly nauseous.
I was born around 6pm, October 6th in 1992. Which makes me...
*cricket*
6437 days, 19 hours, 33 minutes, 35 seconds old.
(Don't think I calculated this. I don't allow complicated Mathematics so early in the day. I'm good to myself. Got it here: Calculator.)
(Don't think I calculated this. I don't allow complicated Mathematics so early in the day. I'm good to myself. Got it here: Calculator.)
If I assume the calculator starts counting from 12am, then I... Minus... 18 hours.
6437 days, 1 hour, 33 minutes, 35 seconds old
556, 227, 301 seconds minus how many seconds there are in 18 hours.
How long do I have until my 18th birthday?
135 days, 16 hours, 24 minutes, 1 second
And I won't be a juvenile anymore. If I get get dragged to court, I'm protected no more by the Juvenile Court. The media will be able to report my identity to the public.
I may go to clubs. I may drink alcohol. I may smoke. I may marry.
It's scary. It isn't scaring me now, but I know it's scary. To be allowed to do so many things, to carry the responsibility of making my own choices. I don't drink, I definitely don't smoke, and I don't plan to get married anytime soon.
But clubs...
One thing about clubbing is that, you don't know where the line is drawn. It might just be a harmless night out, or it can turn into an all-out riot of frenzy dancing, drinking, maybe even drugs.
If I really think about it, the best is that I never club at all, no matter how 'harmless' I think it is. But, haha, that is what I think now. I never know what I'll do in the future. And with me liking to be outside so late at nights, the possibility of me going, "Oh, what the heck." when someone invites me along is rather huge.
I can't even make myself turn off the computer late at nights to go to bed, even when there's school the next morning and I have to wake up at 6.
Throw me into society, and I don't think I can survive. I went to church some time ago using public transport, and MAN I was so out of place. People were giving me looks, and not that I'm good at reading faces, but they seemed to be thinking, "Apa awek Cina ni buat di sini?" I didn't know what to do with the ticket the conductor gave me, and if it wasn't for a friend from church, I might have simply continued on the bus down to Kudat or village.
I can't bargain. I'm a city girl, but I don't own the shrewdness of one (so unfair). I'd bought things that are way overpriced. No wonder it's a habit of mine not to let mummy see what I buy, in case she blasts me. Thank God for mummy.
This friend, whom I've known for four years, texted me one night and suddenly went, "Give me a chance." I freaked, and immediately I SOSed Melissa. Maklumlah, Melissa has years of experience concerning these things. ;) She took charge, was so confident that I felt envious. Told me what to do, what not to do, even what to think, so that I didn't make a mistake I'd regret, like pitying him so much I'll say yes.
My room can turn from a room into a pig sty within hours. I feel so sorry for Anita. I keep telling her, don't need to clean up my room, don't need to go in, even, but I guess she felt even more sorry for me, and kept going in to clean up anyway.
I found out how to iron a collared shirt from a mistake another princess made. She was trying to iron the shirt in a weird way, which seemed perfectly fine to me at the time, until this other girl exclaimed, "Hey, you iron your clothes like THAT?" Like she was skinning a hamster alive. I was a minute away from revealing that I, too, don't know how to iron a collar shirt. *shudder* Lesson: Unbutton the shirt before ironing it
The list of how not independent I am can go on, and on. Yeah, I may be matured, but that's in how I think. How I act is way different, especially concerning the world. It's still a big, black hole to me, and I'm sure it's the same with Nana. We don't go out much. I don't know to kiss ass adults. Teachers, yes, but they aren't real adults. Are they?
It's 8.30am. Will edit this later. Morning weirdness is attacking full on right now.
EDIT: Back from church, McDonald's, & shoe-shopping. Why are some pf the really fantastic stuff in PINK? Gargh.
My neck still hurts like crazy. It's like, turn to the right, a string in the neck is pulled, sharp pain, instant nausea! According to mum and Tasha, it'll take at least two days. Ah well.
I think it's fine to act like a total baby sometimes, but I really hope I can learn to be more street smart and prove it to my parents. My dad's talking about just letting me study in UMS (local university) because I can't take care of myself. NO.
My functional maturity only manifests itself when the people around me are less capable than me. For example, crossing the road. When with adults or friends of the more 'serious adult' type, I run like a chicken across the road, squealing. When with kids? Hah, automatically, queen of the highway, stop cars with a wave of the royal hand.
Maybe it's just a mentality thing. It should be.
Childishly, Carmelia.
Feeling, like such a baby.
Thinking, so much work to be done. Are they going to get done, Carmelia?
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