Love

Wow, two posts in a day. I might be violating a rule I'd set for my new blog, but as usual, I can't remember. So I won't care.

LOVE!

I don't know how many posts after this one will have the same title. It's such a huge, wide topic, involving everyone and everything. It's everything. At least, it is to me. More than anything else, this post is for who I'm going to be in the future. I forget a lot of stands I take. This is a stand I shouldn't forget, even if I end up not agreeing with myself anymore.

First and foremost, God is love. This is why I believe in love so much. Love is almighty, Love solves all things. Love never bears a grudge and always forgives. Love always protects. Love always perseveres. Makes sense.

Humans are created with the ability to love and the need to be loved. Maybe it has something to do with how, as Christians, we're supposed to aim to be like Christ. Christ is God. God is Love. We are supposed, then, to be like Love. I'm not sure how that works yet. But seeing how powerful love is, it doesn't seem untrue...

Whenever people talk about love, I usually wonder which definition of love they're using.

I've felt such hatred before for someone I said I loved. It shook me so much. I felt like such a hypocrite. That got me thinking about what love is. If love can so easily be dominated by hate, then love isn't that awesome after all. This isn't limited to that romantic relationship; the same went for family & best friends. A fleeting moment of dislike and hatred- And everything concerning the 'love' I had for them was unturned and poured into the drain.

There's a phrase Kiren says. "You must love everyone, but you don't have to like everyone."

Sometimes I find myself disagreeing. Sometimes, I agree. Right now, since I'm analyzing everything so closely, I don't know. I guess if by 'like' it means feel good about and with someone, then I agree.

If I want to know if I still have love in me, I'll think of someone whom I absolutely have no feelings for. Maybe the pudgy guy living in the neighborhood, or the devil boy from my mum's class (he drives her crazy, she comes back complaining, Carmelia is influenced). Maybe that friend of my sister's who thinks she's so tough. Maybe Sharon. Maybe Saddam Hussein. Maybe that man from the news who murdered his family. Maybe that uncle who...

Hm, not bad. I'm feeling okay about them. I don't do this often, because I'm too distracted by the people I like to be bothered about people I dislike and don't see.

Then again, who am I kidding? They're not hurting me. I'm a selfish girl. I don't dislike people who haven't hurt me. I just don't care about them. Remember when dad scolded you? When mum screamed at you? What were you feeling then? Could you have calmly stayed silent and forgive them for hurting you even as they're doing it?

And then there's romance.

What flimsy, WEAK thing. It ends when I stop my iPod. It ends when I face school. It ends when I'm with my family. It ends when I'm stressed out. It ends when I get scolded by an adult. It freaking ENDS when I'm offended.

Romance feels so darn good, I don't kick it out completely. I am able to enjoy it even when I'm heartbroken, that's how much of a romantic I am. But I make it a point to recognize it (it likes visiting me a lot) and keep an eye on it. It'd caused me to do some very stupid things before. Thank God I was such a coward, I didn't do more. Not that I regret those stupid things. The lessons I learnt from them far outweigh in impact the consequences I had to face.

What would I know about romance, anyway? It's not like I adore romance novels (actually, I quite dislike them) and romance movies. I didn't plan to watch When Harry Met Sally and A Walk To Remember. Those are the only two romance movies I can remember at the moment. A friend once expressed shock when he knew I didn't watch romance movies. He loves them.

I only know I'm slightly varied from others in this sense because of the times people talked about romance novels/movies so happily, and I don't feel interested. I like to reciprocate the feelings of the people around me to fit in, so when I can't, I take notice. If I live amongst people who didn't care for movies like those as well, then I don't think I'd have noticed.

***

Just deleted a whole lot of ranting. This post is entitled Love, not Romance Kinda Sucks. :)

And knowing I have an audience for this blog affects my writing too. I can't help it, anymore I can help feeling helpless.

To be able to love at His command... I'd like that very much.




Signed, Carmelia.


Feeling, slightly scared.
Thinking, I don't mind drawing lines, I just don't know where they should go.