Wednesday:

I was coping so well. I was planning for today to end with me going to bed happy & immediately falling asleep.

Instead, you had to ruin it.

I wish I could tell.

But I don't because I'm scared that their responses might let me down.

And if their responses let me down, I can't blame them.

So I just shut up.



Nigel called me today. I hung up & felt anxious minutes later, about being obstinate & not repeating what I said.

But why should I worry all the time about whether or not he's mad at me or accepts me or will continue loving me? It's not right. I didn't cheat on him or do anything worth getting mad at.

One Two Three. One Two Three. One Two Three.

I'm going to dance until my legs hurt, and then go to bed. I do NOT WANT TO STAY IN BED AWAKE THINKING & FEELING LIKE DEMONS ARE ATTACKING ME AGAIN.

Signed, Carmelia.

Thinking, -
Feeling, -