Friday: Rou Rou's Wedding

I'm tired & I feel like just Tumblring until I fall on the bed & sleep. But I should try to blog something, even if just a few words about my day. I must try to be consistent. Who knows, one day Nigel might want to read back on all my diary entries. I'd missed out a few days, I think. I shouldn't miss out another night. Especially since tonight, we went for a wedding. The last time we went to a wedding as grand as this one was when Uncle William & Aunt Joyce got married. Honestly, their wedding is much grander, but since I was still quite blurred & young at the time, I didn't enjoy it as much as I enjoyed tonight's wedding. Throughout the wedding just now, I'd texted Nigel. Things worth noting: 1. He wants NO Chinese karaoke during our wedding reception. 2. He wants loads of pictures & videos so that we'd be able to watch them during our honeymoon with our friends. 3. He'd like loads of performances, & would probably get friends to run it. 4. He won't drink. He's not one to make a fool of himself on his wedding night. And I am glad. The emotion I feel when I think about us getting married, or maybe just life together in general, is almost akin to fear. Adrenaline? I don' t know for sure what it is I feel. It's almost painful, and yet, I like it a lot. How many people I know would ever have any idea of how wonderful it is to... to know. That you'll be sharing the rest of your life with someone you truly, utterly love. Someone you've committed yourself to, & will continue to commit to, regardless of how they turn out or whether they're good for you or good to you. The one person who is the other main character in your life, the one whom the plot is centered around- And you're blessed enough, lucky enough to know that he loves you as well, enough to promise you, to commit to you. My boy plans for his wedding & honeymoon. More than I do, more any any girl I know. He'd told an audience that what he wanted to do in the future was to get married, in all seriousness, to their amusement. He always keeps in mind that he has to have a stable income before anything happens. He'd used to stay awake at nights, thinking about his future. A future that involves a... family. If I am not mistaken. A future centered around a wife & a family. & it's unbelievable to me, that I am his girl. Times like these when realization hits me with the force of a heartache, breaks me down & strengthens me almost immediately. Moments of doubt, insecurity, peeves, fear- Everything is erased. I know I am not enough. I really am not enough. That day, going into his home to borrow his pendrive- & afterwards he'd told me the impact seeing me had on him. I was this unconfident, insecure, plain biscuit, & he'd fallen in love with me. Signed, Carmelia. Feeling, quiet. Thinking, if there'd ever be another after you, boy, he'd have to settle for a minister's spot after the throne you sit on now.