It went alright. Better than our practices, but not better than I hoped it'd be. Still, I'm extremely grateful for my super wonderful group members. Angus, Ashrul & CSF were dedicated to our practices, fun to be with, & always willing to listen & forgive me when I become too bossy.
So when I bake the sample cupcakes for Rowena (for our fundraiser) I will give them to those three boys. Not much, but I should show them that, you know. I appreciate them so much, for being good fellow candidates, for being good friends.
All those years, plotting & writing my stories, I'd dreamt of being part of something solid. The idea of having an inner circle who'd never say die, who's always be there, was almost divine to me. Share anything, everything. You hit me, we hit you. How romantic, how utterly heroic.
But now, it hit me hard that: to get there, there's a lot of things that you have to go through as acquaintances, friends, good friends- Things that are not romantic at all. Fights. Breaking of trusts. Time spent. Sacrifices. Risk of humiliation.
Unless, of course, you find people who are almost... Your soul mates. Is it possible? To meet people who simply click with you, even though you don't talk much with each other, or don't spend so much time with each other. People whom you trust straightaway, & vice versa, because somehow, something clicked. You feel as though you understand them, they understand you. You feel, it's all cool, & you hang out, but at the same time, there's something deeper inside.
Maybe this is all wistful thinking. I'm using the word 'something' too many times; everything's so vague here. Is it just me, or are we actually... Bonding, in class?
They'd, in a way, used their private lingo to invite me into their world, today. I'm flattered, I'm pleased. I feel proud of it, honestly. But I'm also scared, skeptical. & I also know that cliques are not good, & it'll hurt the others around that feel pushed aside.
But if it is real, if it's one of those inner circles I'd been writing & dreaming about, for so long... I wouldn't mind getting hurt, just to watch one of those stories unfold.
Some other news: Ate so much today that I don't feel like talking or typing about it now. It's only going to make me feel depressed. Bottom line: I think I had over 1500 kcal today. What the hell is wrong with me.
Signed, Carmelia
Feeling, fat.
Thinking, I wish I am next to you right now, darling.
But now, it hit me hard that: to get there, there's a lot of things that you have to go through as acquaintances, friends, good friends- Things that are not romantic at all. Fights. Breaking of trusts. Time spent. Sacrifices. Risk of humiliation.
Unless, of course, you find people who are almost... Your soul mates. Is it possible? To meet people who simply click with you, even though you don't talk much with each other, or don't spend so much time with each other. People whom you trust straightaway, & vice versa, because somehow, something clicked. You feel as though you understand them, they understand you. You feel, it's all cool, & you hang out, but at the same time, there's something deeper inside.
Maybe this is all wistful thinking. I'm using the word 'something' too many times; everything's so vague here. Is it just me, or are we actually... Bonding, in class?
They'd, in a way, used their private lingo to invite me into their world, today. I'm flattered, I'm pleased. I feel proud of it, honestly. But I'm also scared, skeptical. & I also know that cliques are not good, & it'll hurt the others around that feel pushed aside.
But if it is real, if it's one of those inner circles I'd been writing & dreaming about, for so long... I wouldn't mind getting hurt, just to watch one of those stories unfold.
Some other news: Ate so much today that I don't feel like talking or typing about it now. It's only going to make me feel depressed. Bottom line: I think I had over 1500 kcal today. What the hell is wrong with me.
Signed, Carmelia
Feeling, fat.
Thinking, I wish I am next to you right now, darling.
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