Monday: MUET Speaking

We stayed back to practice for MUET speaking today. Tomorrow is the BIG DAY. So we stayed, talked, had a few more rounds of discussions, & ended up laughing our heads off, chatting about weight loss & weight gain (In English, of course), killing each other with words & with jokes.

It's a little unbelievable, because they are all boys- Angus, Ashrul & Chang Sin Fung.

While watching the Bomba Fire Extinguishing demonstration today, I ended up amongst the boys, because I was sitting with the boys during the talk in the school hall. Lum Sze Mun called out from the other side, "Ei! You don't mind meh, being with the boys?" I looked around, realized that I was the only girl there, & shrugged. No, I didn't mind.

Suddenly Jason turned around from where he was crouching in front of me, hand held up for hi-five. "Um...?"

"You don't mind being surrounded by guys."

WELL. I thought that it was obviously COOL to be a girl who can hang out with boys. I thought that it was actually not good for a girl to hang out with boys, because people will say that she wants their attention. Especially the boys. I thought boys wouldn't like hanging around girls because girls are quite boring. I acknowledge that I am.

What I had today:

1. Green tea (0 kcal)
2. Biscuits (130 kcal)
3. Rice + Pumpkin + Veggie (300 kcal)
4. Six Banana Dough Thingies (500 kcal)
5. Small chocolate cake (80 kcal)

(Estimated, maximum total intake: 1010 kcal)

So no more intake for me today!

I see a pattern. I eat mostly what people consider are 'needless' food- Doughnuts, cake, biscuits... I rarely look for a full meal, complete with mee, rice, veggies, stuff. I think it's because I don't really eat to fill up my stomach. I eat to... Eat. Finishing a plateful of food in a go isn't enjoyable, as to munching on biscuits or kuih.

But if I want to get down to 55 again by this Friday, I'll have to be disciplined.

I've enlisted Ashrul's help! If I don't get down to 55 kilograms by this Friday, he will get to keep my pendrive, my darling, bunny, orange carrot pendrive, filled with GOOD MUSIC, until Monday. Or until I get down to 55 kilograms.

I think I'll be able to get down to 54 kilograms by then, based on my experiences in the past. It's important, because I have a wedding to attend that night. Relatives abound. I hate being ignored by them, or to have them say "OH SO BIG AH." I wouldn't mind if I was anti-social, like in the past. But when I become to eager to please, & I get that kind of treatment, it hurts bad.

Four more days till our 6-months. Only 6 months, but... It feels so long already.


Signed, Carmelia.

Feeling, determined but weak.
Thinking, PLEASE don't eat... But I think I feel my defenses crumbling.