Tuesday: Surprises Surprises.

I didn't get a surprise birthday party today. Which makes sense, since my birthday isn't until October. Laugh, people. Laugh.

Anyway, today was filled with little big surprises. Little as in, they aren't really that important (I think) & are not life-changing i.e. my parents suddenly tell me that we need to move to Melbourne. Big as in, they impacted me somewhat & has probably changed a little of my character/personality in the long run.

Surprise #1:

Cent (A temporary nick; I don't want to use his real name, in case he doesn't want this to be public knowledge) has a girlfriend.

We were discussing our Starnie Mag project on Fat Phobia during MUET class (No teacher! Since MUET examinations over). So we started asking around, the few students left in class who were either doing their homework, or joining us in our chat/discussion, questions on fat phobia. The other students, including Jason, were having their ICAS Science test. Thank God- The amount of drama that went on during our discussion would've been picked up by Jason & multiplied into a series of announcements & twisted covers.

I asked Cent, then. "How would you feel if you have a girlfriend who's kind of plump-"

I didn't even finish before he went all, "Ah, already have eh."

I don't know what happened to me. I started asking for clues about who she was, but it was clear that he (And Judith, who knew, apparently) didn't want to divulge anything, other than the fact that she's an ex-classmate, & it has been years. I'm fine that they don't want to tell, I really am. But I'd become quieter & quieter, until I just laid my head on the desk, trying to think.

Of course, when I start thinking without anything specific to think about, every other thing that has been bothering me would join in the fun. This diet, my fatness, examinations, Ashrul, mum, blah.

But mostly I tried to figure out why I felt so... Strange, discovering that Cent has a girlfriend, and I didn't know. It was something like feeling betrayed, except it's definitely not that tragic & Cent did nothing wrong at all. I'd expected to know stuff like that, but he has his reasons, I suppose, for not telling.

It's not as straightforward as me feeling left out that I didn't know about his girlfriend. There's something deeper here. Almost transparent, so I know it'll just dissipate after tonight. But still, it's strange.


Surprise #2

Keith sat opposite of me in the canteen today & asked if I minded that he interrupted me (I was reading) I said no, & shut my book.

He proceeded to talk about the bible.

I'm not going to go through everything we talked about here, because I fear my memory would fail me & I'd misquote him. Also, I don't feel like typing so much about this. I have to limit my time on the computer (Or rather, more of the limited time for Facecake, please)

All in all, Keith talked to me about some article he'd read about the facts & issues stemming from the bible & the translations. After all that, he'd told me that he discussed it with me because he knew I wouldn't mind, unlike the rest who might jump on him for talking about incredulous ideas & stories.

I was a little pleased, of course. And also interested in his interest in religion. Keith would just be this other guy in class, if it's not because of the few times he'd come to me to just- Talk, & tell me about stuff he found interesting. Also, he was more in tune with world news than the rest of the class.

I hope he gets the answers he might be looking for.

Surprise #3

The boys in class are becoming bolder concerning this supposed romance-to-be between me & Ashrul. Jason & Jona had come up to me & asked me about Ashrul.

I don't remember what I said. I was trying to make it clear that it was impossible, partly because he's a Muslim & completely because I was Nigel's, & that I still really wanted to be good friends with him because Ashrul was special & I didn't want to lose that, & that no, I don't think that he's chasing me at all because he isn't, & I'm not turning him down because there's nothing to turn down, & he's an awesome pawsome guy, like, seriously, & there's no reason why anyone would-

You see? Making that clear would've taken some major Einstein or Maslow movement in the noggin.

I just smiled & stuttered a bit & kept quiet, acting off handed, because although I was surprised, I WAS off-handed- There isn't anything to make a big deal out of.

But isn't there? I'm just really worried that Ashrul might a) feel unhappy because they made it seem as though he's chasing a girl who already has a boyfriend, and he feels insulted, or b) feel unhappy because he does like me & I seem to really not like him at all, despite the fun we have.

Jason started singing this song: "I like you~ (Ashrul) But you like her~ (Me) But she likes him (Takes my wallet to look at Nigel's adorable picture)" (In Mandarin)


Surprise #4

Tan Yi Ling also goes on a diet.

Surprise #5

Most guys in my class prefer having girlfriends who are slim.

Surprise #7






Mum's home. I have to do chores & start my revision. I felt so bad this morning when mum scolded me for not doing more revision & going to read in the library instead. Bad as in angry, gulity, unworthy, poop.

Sigh.



Signed, Carmelia.

Feeling, confused.
Thinking, what a drama.